My two most favorite videos on the Internet. Forever and ever. Amen.
July 8, 2018
October 23, 2015
What's Been Stuck in My Throat
Mostly, it would come out of nowhere. The keys would fly into the wall. Glass would shatter. Everyone would assume the position. The cat would run under the bed. I'd cower. He'd yell until he.. couldn't yell anymore.
We were on our way to have dinner with some friends and we were running late. Probably my fault as usual which only added to the tension. He hated that I made us late. I got a text from my friends that they decided to eat while waiting for us so the food wouldn't get cold but that there'd still be food for us. He couldn't believe they started. He grew angrier and angrier, repeatedly slammed his fists onto the console. He didn't stop until he punched the passenger air vent into the dashboard. We arrived at our destination but remained in the car so my tears could dry and he could calm down.
I'd never know where the anger would be directed. At an inanimate object. At the cat. At me. He begged me to not tell family or friends about what he'd say or do to me.
We almost lost friends a few times. Once after a bar fight he instigated. Another after he was upset his glasses got twisted from a wrestling match with a friend. They couldn't be around his angry outbursts- wives were scared, their future children couldn't be around it. He'd profusely apologize and charm them into sticking around. Those friends would be in *both* his wedding parties.
Scars are everywhere. Cracks in vases that were in the path of his chosen projectile. Broken air vents in my car from his fists. Flinching whenever someone around me starts to lose their temper.
Did he hit me? No. Grabbing me when he didn't like what I say, sure. Calling me cunt when I fought back, yes. Threatening to get me fired, absolutely.
It took my friend asking me, "Katherine, do you think you're in an abusive relationship?" for me to realize that abuse is more than with fists. It's with words, with money, with control.
It is NOT ok for your partner to call you names.
It is NOT ok for your partner to hold authority over you.
It is NOT ok for people to talk you out of getting a restraining order because it will hurt the person who violates you.
Abuse is NEVER deserved.
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Equinox
YWCA Schenectady
We were on our way to have dinner with some friends and we were running late. Probably my fault as usual which only added to the tension. He hated that I made us late. I got a text from my friends that they decided to eat while waiting for us so the food wouldn't get cold but that there'd still be food for us. He couldn't believe they started. He grew angrier and angrier, repeatedly slammed his fists onto the console. He didn't stop until he punched the passenger air vent into the dashboard. We arrived at our destination but remained in the car so my tears could dry and he could calm down.
I'd never know where the anger would be directed. At an inanimate object. At the cat. At me. He begged me to not tell family or friends about what he'd say or do to me.
We almost lost friends a few times. Once after a bar fight he instigated. Another after he was upset his glasses got twisted from a wrestling match with a friend. They couldn't be around his angry outbursts- wives were scared, their future children couldn't be around it. He'd profusely apologize and charm them into sticking around. Those friends would be in *both* his wedding parties.
Scars are everywhere. Cracks in vases that were in the path of his chosen projectile. Broken air vents in my car from his fists. Flinching whenever someone around me starts to lose their temper.
Did he hit me? No. Grabbing me when he didn't like what I say, sure. Calling me cunt when I fought back, yes. Threatening to get me fired, absolutely.
It took my friend asking me, "Katherine, do you think you're in an abusive relationship?" for me to realize that abuse is more than with fists. It's with words, with money, with control.
It is NOT ok for your partner to call you names.
It is NOT ok for your partner to hold authority over you.
It is NOT ok for people to talk you out of getting a restraining order because it will hurt the person who violates you.
Abuse is NEVER deserved.
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Equinox
YWCA Schenectady
September 3, 2014
Fakin' It
People have told me I have a nice smile- genuine and warm. I'm always very flattered, grateful, and appreciative. My parents spent a lot of energy and money on braces and orthodontia work so you bet your ass I'm still sleeping in a retainer. Got to keep my moneymaker in tip-top shape, amiright?
I'm at this party a few weeks ago and my girlfriends Brenda, Karla, and I were taking a selfie together (a togethfie? a threefie?) and another woman at the party offered to take our picture for us. We were thrilled to have a chance at a better picture so we accepted her offer. Brenda showed her how to use the iPhone to take pictures and the woman takes one or two before she says, "No. This is no good. Those smiles are fake. Smile like you mean it."
...
It was hard to hide our reactions. None of us had ever been told that before. Lucky for us, the woman didn't stop taking pictures during this entire exchange. I'm just gonna put these here.
I'm at this party a few weeks ago and my girlfriends Brenda, Karla, and I were taking a selfie together (a togethfie? a threefie?) and another woman at the party offered to take our picture for us. We were thrilled to have a chance at a better picture so we accepted her offer. Brenda showed her how to use the iPhone to take pictures and the woman takes one or two before she says, "No. This is no good. Those smiles are fake. Smile like you mean it."
...
It was hard to hide our reactions. None of us had ever been told that before. Lucky for us, the woman didn't stop taking pictures during this entire exchange. I'm just gonna put these here.
I can't even be insulted because she gave me the gift that is that collection. The selfie/togethie/threefie wasn't even bad in the first place. But I am so so so glad it didn't stop there.
July 5, 2014
This is Epic in Length but Succinct in Scope
I was turning left just as the light was changing from yellow to red. No big deal but I saw a cop on my right waiting to go straight through the light once his side turned green. I glanced in my rear view mirror to watch the cop, looked back in front of me and BOOM! Like magic, a woman in a power wheelchair is RIGHT. IN. FRONT. OF. ME. She slipped between the cars waiting to go through the light and I didn't see her at all when I was turning. Like a motorized bullet, she appeared immediately.
There was nowhere I could go. The snow made it hard to slam on the brakes- I could slide into oncoming traffic or more directly into wheelchair woman. If I turned away from her I would turn directly into oncoming traffic and cause an even bigger accident. All I could do was brake as deftly as possible and turn just enough that I wouldn't hit her head on. When I braked and turned just a little to the left, I popped her right on the back of her chair. And down she went. Hands flying. Into the snow.
Yeah, her face looked like that.
I pull ahead and over to get out of the way of ALL THE ONCOMING TRAFFIC THAT WATCHED ME HIT A WOMAN IN A FUCKING WHEELCHAIR. And yes, morning rush may be small in Schenectady, but it exists. I run back and there were already three cars of people that stopped to help this woman, screaming "Oh my God!" and similar exclamations, and were already discussing who would call 911. BTW, the cop car that made me look behind me? Gone, nowhere to be seen. Me and another guy get the wheelchair upright, out of the snow, and try to move it off the side of the street BUT OH WAIT! I knocked the motor clear off the chair and we have to push and pull that thing just to get it two feet from where it was. Someone helped the woman up, and she WALKED OVER TO HER WHEELCHAIR. You see, she can walk. She has the wheelchair for back pain.
Once she's in the chair, no open wounds are found, and she's coming out of the shock but she's ok to the layman's eye, some people leave to go on their way. Two ladies find out that the woman lives in the apartment building for seniors right on the corner and that her husband is home so they go to get him. No 911 responders have shown up yet so the guy and I are left with the woman. We're asking if she's okay, if there's anything we can do, and as she reaches into her coat she says, "I need to get rid of something. My husband can't know." I'm like, what the fuck is she getting? I'm thinking drugs... pills...? Nope, the woman is an alcoholic and she was on her way to ditch the vodka bottle that she housed the night before.
Come on! I hit a woman with my car, disable her wheelchair, and blow up her spot. The most compassionate thing was for me to take the liquor bottle for her. And put it in my car. On the passenger seat. Because that's the logical thing to do.
A police officer finally shows up. Asks me what happened and for my license and registration. He follows me to my car to assess the damage to my bumper. As he's checking out the car, I open my passenger door and oh shit! Immediately, I dump everything in my glove compartment to cover the EMPTY LIQUOR BOTTLE I WAS HIDING FOR THE WOMAN, find my registration and ID, and hand it over.
At this point the woman has gotten her hands on a cigarette and found her nerves. "SHE HIT ME! I was minding my own business." The police officer was having none of that. Judging the puncture wound on my bumper they knew I wasn't going very fast, judging the snow falling they knew visibility was bad, and judging the fact that she wasn't in the crosswalk they knew she was as at fault as I was.
Her husband shows up in his pajamas. He's waving his cane and yelling "You're going to the hospital!""I don't need to go to the hospital!" "Yes you DO!" Etc, etc. And once the ambulance arrives, they load her in and her husband climbs in with her. She's adamant that I hit HER and she did nothing wrong all the way to the hospital. (I assume. I wasn't in the ambulance.)
I feel horrible.
The police officer takes the witness statements from the two women who ran to get the husband. Before they leave, they ask if I'm okay and tell me there was nothing I could have done. No matter how fast I was going, not matter where I was looking, I was going to collide with that wheelchair. What lovely ladies. We should be friends.
I don't get a ticket. I do get an incident report for my insurance agent. The officer was really nice and right as he hands me the report, I start to crack. I was able to keep it together the whole time until I get in the car in the silence. I decide to call my dad.
He can't understand a thing I'm saying through my ugly crying and he's like, "You need to stop and breath. Are you physically harmed?" No. "Is someone else physically harmed." I don't know. *sob sob sob* There's nothing he can do for me as he lives in South Carolina but he's great in emergencies and for talking sense into an otherwise inconsolable wheelchair taker-outer. He reminded me that I didn't do it on purpose, that of course I'm upset at the possibility of hurting another person, but that all I can do is breathe and hope for the best.
I got my shit together and went to work where I proceeded to cry every time I told someone what happened while they proceeded to laugh. It's okay. The whole thing is ridiculous. I've also gotten really good at telling it, too. This story is my friend Jill's favorite and my book club members demand I tell people who've never heard the story before.
KATHERINE! Why did you wait this long to tell us!? Well, guys- I was waiting until I got a letter from my insurance company that told me no claim was going to be filed against me or nothing was going to be pursued, I don't know. Whatever that is in insurance company talk. And I got that letter a week or so ago. The woman is okay, she probably got a new wheelchair (I hope so anyway, the motor was held on with tape for crying out loud) and hopefully she stopped drinking. It's not likely, but I can hope something good came from this. Besides giving me a great story to tell at parties, that is.
April 18, 2014
Can A Woman Get a Break?
Since Halloween I've had adhesive capsulitis in my right shoulder. Otherwise known as frozen shoulder. It's the fucking pits. And yes, Dad, it's real.
My shoulder was acting really weird and painful for a few weeks when I was ordered by my doctor to pretty much stop moving so I could heal from some random ass back injury. I pulled a back muscle twisting from the waist (God, I feel so fucking old typing that.) and my doctor said no twisting or USING MY BACK for six weeks, gave me horse pill ibuprofen and muscle relaxers. I thought, well at least since I can't do anything for six weeks (and that included not standing up straight for about two weeks) and I'm taking all this anti-inflammatory shit- my shoulder should be fine when I can start working out again.
Here comes Christmas. All of a sudden I can't put weight on my right hand without my arm shaking. I can't put my right hand behind my back. I wake up at night from pain. It hurts when I'm not moving and if I were to do anything with my right arm pain shoots from my shoulder socket down to my wrist. Seriously uncomfortable. Downright painful. THE WORST.
I go back to the doctor. She orders an MRI. I get one. Results come in. I'm told I have a tear. I freak out. I cry a bunch. What does this mean? I make an appointment with an orthopedist shoulder dude. He's kind of a dick. He tells me about this frozen shoulder thing. Tells me I have to go to physical therapy two to three times a week for six weeks and that I CAN'T DO ANY EXERCISE THAT USES MY ARMS. Makes a follow-up appointment. I hate this guy.
Six weeks later I still can't use my arm. It hurts and I can't actually do anything. I thought I'd try a plank move to work on my core last week and because my arm can't support me, I flopped around like a mermaid trying to use an exercise ball. My physical therapist says I can do the elliptical and run. Ok. Fine. The only problem is- my schedule only allows for morning workouts. But because I can't sleep without waking from pain and I wake up in pain, the last thing I want to do is move let alone workout.
It is getting better, though. I've had some relatively pain-free mornings lately so I've started running again a little. But I think my liver is done with the 2400 milligrams of ibuprofen a day. I know I'm done with the not sleeping. I'm just done.
All of the harrumphing aside progress is progress. But I still can't strap my bra in the back. That's my final goal.
My shoulder was acting really weird and painful for a few weeks when I was ordered by my doctor to pretty much stop moving so I could heal from some random ass back injury. I pulled a back muscle twisting from the waist (God, I feel so fucking old typing that.) and my doctor said no twisting or USING MY BACK for six weeks, gave me horse pill ibuprofen and muscle relaxers. I thought, well at least since I can't do anything for six weeks (and that included not standing up straight for about two weeks) and I'm taking all this anti-inflammatory shit- my shoulder should be fine when I can start working out again.
Here comes Christmas. All of a sudden I can't put weight on my right hand without my arm shaking. I can't put my right hand behind my back. I wake up at night from pain. It hurts when I'm not moving and if I were to do anything with my right arm pain shoots from my shoulder socket down to my wrist. Seriously uncomfortable. Downright painful. THE WORST.
I go back to the doctor. She orders an MRI. I get one. Results come in. I'm told I have a tear. I freak out. I cry a bunch. What does this mean? I make an appointment with an orthopedist shoulder dude. He's kind of a dick. He tells me about this frozen shoulder thing. Tells me I have to go to physical therapy two to three times a week for six weeks and that I CAN'T DO ANY EXERCISE THAT USES MY ARMS. Makes a follow-up appointment. I hate this guy.
Six weeks later I still can't use my arm. It hurts and I can't actually do anything. I thought I'd try a plank move to work on my core last week and because my arm can't support me, I flopped around like a mermaid trying to use an exercise ball. My physical therapist says I can do the elliptical and run. Ok. Fine. The only problem is- my schedule only allows for morning workouts. But because I can't sleep without waking from pain and I wake up in pain, the last thing I want to do is move let alone workout.
It is getting better, though. I've had some relatively pain-free mornings lately so I've started running again a little. But I think my liver is done with the 2400 milligrams of ibuprofen a day. I know I'm done with the not sleeping. I'm just done.
All of the harrumphing aside progress is progress. But I still can't strap my bra in the back. That's my final goal.
January 13, 2014
Episode 4 is Finally Here!
I know I said Episode 4/Part 2 of the interview with The Fold Productions would be up soon two months ago but it took a little while to be edited and stuff. I'm not the editor and the editor edits many shows. I'm trying to learn how to do it myself and our show can be more self-reliant so that may happen some time this year. Don't hold your breath for that. But you can hold your breath for Episode 4 because you can play it right now!! We review Umbrellas of Cherbourg.
We've also set up a Movie Q channel so you can subscribe to it and see all of our episodes, (we're having some technical difficulties in getting them loaded- never use Mega.com) stand alone interviews and the panel discussions we'll have from QFEST, which is coming up at the end of February. Holy crap, it's already been a year since I first took over the festival. Yeesh!!
We've also set up a Movie Q channel so you can subscribe to it and see all of our episodes, (we're having some technical difficulties in getting them loaded- never use Mega.com) stand alone interviews and the panel discussions we'll have from QFEST, which is coming up at the end of February. Holy crap, it's already been a year since I first took over the festival. Yeesh!!
January 12, 2014
Poppin' Tunes
These days I've been playing the same albums in loops in different places. Like, one cd is being played to death in my car, another in my kitchen, another at work and yet another in my main-room player. No one album gets more play than others. I listen to a lot of Pandora at my desk- find some awesome stuff that way. And I'm shocked I haven't had an incident using Spotify in my car... I mean, at stop lights.
In my car:
Arcade Fire, Reflektor
In my kitchen:
Kings of Leon, Mechanical Bull
What have you been listening to? I'll soon post some amazing musicians I found thanks to Spotify and my local non-profit radio station. Seriously, live-stream this shit: WEXT 97.7.
In my car:
Arcade Fire, Reflektor
The title track, "Reflektor"
So this album is actually a double album. I didn't know that when I bought it and the case consists of sleeves. I was in my car, at a red light- like, really- and quickly grabbed a disc and put it in the player. It was a short little playlist and I made it all the way through before I realized the title track didn't play. I was like, "Uh..... what CD did I buy?" At the next red light, I discovered the other CD that started with "Reflektor." So, there's that. Anyway. This album is great. The last album they made was a great concept album and had a unified theme and sound. This album seems to be more experimental. Some of the tracks are throwbacks to the early Manchester, UK music scene- of which I am a HUGE fan. The bass line is reminiscent of Joy Division and early New Order and I totally TOTALLY dig it.In my kitchen:
Kings of Leon, Mechanical Bull
"Wait for Me"
I still haven't made my way through this album. I'm not in the kitchen long enough to make it all the way through. I'm that fast with the cooking these days, y'all. And instead of picking up where I've left off I start over each time so I've only heard the first eight songs off of it. Regardless, I like it. I love Caleb Followill and his songwriting skills. Like woah.
At my desk:
TV On the Radio, Dear Science
Track #3 "Dancing Choose"
This is probs my favorite track on this album but luckily you can stream the whole thing on the YouTubes. I think there's only one song I can do without on the album but on the whole, this whole thing is amazing. I saw these guys live about six years ago on a side stage at a local music festival. They should've been on the MainStage. The whole audience dug them and they rocked out like they were actually on the MainStage. See them live if you can. Fo' reals.
In my main squeeze CD player:
HAIM, Days Gone By
"Falling" Just ignore the lame video concept and like the song.
No, that's not Amy Grant or her daughters. I first heard this band and thought Amy Grant started releasing pop songs with her song writing team from the 90s. I was perplexed but excited. Instead it turned out to be a trio of sisters who are killing it. Like, these chicks are recalling retro late eighties and early nineties pop tunes but with a contemporary edge. I like to pick out my outfits, style my hair and do my make-up listening to this album. I feel a feminine power and wear blood-red lipstick while I bop around in my underwear.
November 21, 2013
I'm All Up in Media!
Hey, heeeeeey!! Here's episode 3, y'all! I get to catch up and interview my friends from my previous Cali post, Barbara and Becca. Part 2 of the interview will be soon!
Aren't my friends awesome!?
And, here's my blog at the Times Union, Albany's newspaper. Read it. It's some pretty moving shit.
Aren't my friends awesome!?
And, here's my blog at the Times Union, Albany's newspaper. Read it. It's some pretty moving shit.
November 18, 2013
Episode 2 Bitchez
We're still making episodes! Movie Q has two in the can and a third that for some reason I can't share with you at the moment- it's bizarrely not loaded on YouTube. But here's this one! We review CLUE and talk to Paul Kazee about film festivals and what he likes about them.
Like and share! Please? Kthx.
Like and share! Please? Kthx.
November 17, 2013
Hells Yeah! Vacay!
Oh my gosh, you guys!! I went to Los Angeles earlier this week!
"But Katherine, what were you doing in LA?"
Well cats and kittens, I was visiting my friends Barbara and Becca. And while there, I hung out with my friend Billy too. And had a drink with Beebe! (I know most of you don't know who these people are, but I'll get to that.) It was the SHIT. It was awesome in so many ways. Let me count them for you.
1. I went to Los Angeles. That's in California. It's warm there. I live in Schenectady. That's in New York. It's cold here.
2. I read two, that's 2, books! And started a third. In four days. (2, 3, 4- see what happened there??) I LOVE IT.
3. I didn't work. (Except that 30 minute window where I checked my work email and went a little bonkers…) I took a real vacation!!
4. I got to reconnect with people who knew a different Katherine. Barbara, Beebe and Becca are friends of mine from college. I wasn't doing so hot in college- my parents got divorced, I gained at least fifty pounds and struggled with my self esteem (I say struggle but really it was like trying to wrestle a bear with my feet tied together.) But things are actually pretty awesome right now. And we all got to share in the Happy. It was so excellent to see them. Thank you, ladies!
8. I got drunk each night save the first because I wanted to stay awake despite the jet lag (and I did!) I was so drunk that when I got home and went to bed something felt off. I realized it was because I was sober.
9. Becca and Barbara take an acting class and I was in town on one of their class nights. I was able to audit the class and had such a great time warming up with them and watching the class. There is so much I miss about performing and watching them go through the process and work on their scenes was just amazing. It refreshed my soul.
10. There was this one time I was in the same room, at the same time, as a couple celebrities you might know. My friends are members of the Screen Actors Guild and get invitations to screenings and talk backs. When I was in town, a screening of AUGUST: OSAGE COUNTY was happening with a talk back with- are you ready- George Clooney, Julia Roberts, Dermot Mulroney, Juliet Lewis, Chris Cooper and others. Awesome RIGHT??
Not only did I get out of town, had a great time and saw some famous people but I came back feeling clear headed about some things that had been hanging over me. I can't wait to travel some more. I am deeply grateful to my friends for letting me stay with them and making this dream a reality.
"But Katherine, what were you doing in LA?"
Well cats and kittens, I was visiting my friends Barbara and Becca. And while there, I hung out with my friend Billy too. And had a drink with Beebe! (I know most of you don't know who these people are, but I'll get to that.) It was the SHIT. It was awesome in so many ways. Let me count them for you.
1. I went to Los Angeles. That's in California. It's warm there. I live in Schenectady. That's in New York. It's cold here.
2. I read two, that's 2, books! And started a third. In four days. (2, 3, 4- see what happened there??) I LOVE IT.
3. I didn't work. (Except that 30 minute window where I checked my work email and went a little bonkers…) I took a real vacation!!
4. I got to reconnect with people who knew a different Katherine. Barbara, Beebe and Becca are friends of mine from college. I wasn't doing so hot in college- my parents got divorced, I gained at least fifty pounds and struggled with my self esteem (I say struggle but really it was like trying to wrestle a bear with my feet tied together.) But things are actually pretty awesome right now. And we all got to share in the Happy. It was so excellent to see them. Thank you, ladies!
Me, Becca and Barbara in Malibu
5. I went to a beach. BEACH.
6. We went to the Getty Museum. Holy smokes you guys. This place is more than a museum- it's a religious experience. There was this exhibit by the photographer Abelardo Morell and his work is breathtaking. I now have a legit favorite photographer.
7. I got to see my friend Billy. He's a friend from high school which makes him one of four people from that time in my life that I have regular contact with. He makes me laugh a lot so it's always a complete pleasure to see him. He took me to the Griffith Observatory where he kindly took a photo essay of me.
I'm having such a good hair day that you probably didn't even notice the HOLLYWOOD sign back there. Did you?
8. I got drunk each night save the first because I wanted to stay awake despite the jet lag (and I did!) I was so drunk that when I got home and went to bed something felt off. I realized it was because I was sober.
9. Becca and Barbara take an acting class and I was in town on one of their class nights. I was able to audit the class and had such a great time warming up with them and watching the class. There is so much I miss about performing and watching them go through the process and work on their scenes was just amazing. It refreshed my soul.
10. There was this one time I was in the same room, at the same time, as a couple celebrities you might know. My friends are members of the Screen Actors Guild and get invitations to screenings and talk backs. When I was in town, a screening of AUGUST: OSAGE COUNTY was happening with a talk back with- are you ready- George Clooney, Julia Roberts, Dermot Mulroney, Juliet Lewis, Chris Cooper and others. Awesome RIGHT??
Not only did I get out of town, had a great time and saw some famous people but I came back feeling clear headed about some things that had been hanging over me. I can't wait to travel some more. I am deeply grateful to my friends for letting me stay with them and making this dream a reality.
October 28, 2013
Making It Up As We Go Along
I'm three weeks into a four week long improv class and I am loving it. This sounds hokey but I really think it's helping me in my every day life. The most important principle in improvisation is the concept of "yes, and?" It means you acknowledge what your partner is setting up, accepting it and going along for the ride. There's a lot of power in saying yes. In saying yes in scene work and other improv exercises I've starting doing it in my day to day life. Simple things like saying yes to blind dates or yes to bacon on my sandwich! It's pretty awesome.
I'm not going to get too philosophical here. But yeah, man. YES TO LIFE!!!
The first class had about fourteen of us but the numbers have dwindled down to half of that. I'm okay with the shrinking class as long as my favorite classmate Susan is there. I realized I fell in love with this woman when we were trying to figure out who hadn't arrived to class yet last week and I kept saying "Sue, Susan. Susan isn't here. Susan" This woman makes me lol like very few people can. She thinks she doesn't understand the concept of our exercises and then she makes the funniest skits. And she doesn't even mean to!! Her honesty is what makes her funny. I can't do her justice in writing this. All I know is I got to do scene work with her three times tonight and it was awesome!!
This class is a real treat. I didn't realize how much I missed improv. I didn't do it much in college and very little of it in high school. Maybe because I'm more confident and comfortable in myself (and have more theatre training under my belt) I can approach improv in a totally different and whole way. If that makes sense. Whatever, man. I'm saying yes. YES I SAY!!! And if Susan wants to be my friend, I say hell yes.
I'm not going to get too philosophical here. But yeah, man. YES TO LIFE!!!
The first class had about fourteen of us but the numbers have dwindled down to half of that. I'm okay with the shrinking class as long as my favorite classmate Susan is there. I realized I fell in love with this woman when we were trying to figure out who hadn't arrived to class yet last week and I kept saying "Sue, Susan. Susan isn't here. Susan" This woman makes me lol like very few people can. She thinks she doesn't understand the concept of our exercises and then she makes the funniest skits. And she doesn't even mean to!! Her honesty is what makes her funny. I can't do her justice in writing this. All I know is I got to do scene work with her three times tonight and it was awesome!!
This class is a real treat. I didn't realize how much I missed improv. I didn't do it much in college and very little of it in high school. Maybe because I'm more confident and comfortable in myself (and have more theatre training under my belt) I can approach improv in a totally different and whole way. If that makes sense. Whatever, man. I'm saying yes. YES I SAY!!! And if Susan wants to be my friend, I say hell yes.
October 2, 2013
Perk Up Buttercup
I don't know how long I can do this. I don't know how many first dates I can go on. I don't know how I'm going to put myself out there, 100% each time. I'm not a rock star, doing a show a night and putting it all out there for every ticket-buying fan. I'm just me. Looking for someone to share all of this with. Someone to whom I'm worth it.
There is no question I'm worth it. I'm worth someone's time. What I have to offer is valuable. So why am I feeling this way? Probably because I drank beer and listened to The National. That was a bad idea. Note to self- DON'T DO THAT AGAIN. A monotone, melodic, soul-bearing band who sings songs about "not being vacant anymore." Songs that say "I'm going to be open to life." And that means being open to heartache, to pain and ultimately to love. Oh how my heart aches.
Love comes in many shapes, sizes and flavors. My life is full of love. My family loves me. My friends love me. I... like myself a lot. I'm pretty funny I guess. Frankly, I'm happy. I'm not crying mascara tinted tears onto my keyboard right now. Or plain tears for that matter- I didn't wear mascara today. Pondering. I'm pondering out loud into the big cave that is the Internets.
Perfection is a falsehood. I'm not looking for Mr. Perfect. He doesn't exist. But I refuse to settle. What does that mean for me? I don't know. No one knows. There are millions of people searching. I'm one of the lucky ones. I don't have to search for a roof over my head, a family who loves me, friends who help me grow with love and laughter, a job that brings me joy. And I am grateful. So where is someone who can share in that gratefulness with me?
I don't need someone. I have me. I will always have me. I suppose I worry about the past affecting my future. No one wants to hurt. I've been hurting. I thought I found someone. I was wrong. I recently went on a date with someone who could lead to something. Not IT. But something. I was wrong about that too. I'd like to be right about the right thing. I don't want to be right all the time about this one not working out for whatever reason.
What am I saying? I'm not alone in my feelings and I'm not alone frankly put. It's time for me to call this a day. Watch the Vicar of Dibley get married. Sleep this beer off. Turn off the National. And dream of a future filled with promise. Whether I'm with a partner or not, my future will happen. And I'm the only one who makes my destiny. So imma make it.
There is no question I'm worth it. I'm worth someone's time. What I have to offer is valuable. So why am I feeling this way? Probably because I drank beer and listened to The National. That was a bad idea. Note to self- DON'T DO THAT AGAIN. A monotone, melodic, soul-bearing band who sings songs about "not being vacant anymore." Songs that say "I'm going to be open to life." And that means being open to heartache, to pain and ultimately to love. Oh how my heart aches.
Love comes in many shapes, sizes and flavors. My life is full of love. My family loves me. My friends love me. I... like myself a lot. I'm pretty funny I guess. Frankly, I'm happy. I'm not crying mascara tinted tears onto my keyboard right now. Or plain tears for that matter- I didn't wear mascara today. Pondering. I'm pondering out loud into the big cave that is the Internets.
Perfection is a falsehood. I'm not looking for Mr. Perfect. He doesn't exist. But I refuse to settle. What does that mean for me? I don't know. No one knows. There are millions of people searching. I'm one of the lucky ones. I don't have to search for a roof over my head, a family who loves me, friends who help me grow with love and laughter, a job that brings me joy. And I am grateful. So where is someone who can share in that gratefulness with me?
I don't need someone. I have me. I will always have me. I suppose I worry about the past affecting my future. No one wants to hurt. I've been hurting. I thought I found someone. I was wrong. I recently went on a date with someone who could lead to something. Not IT. But something. I was wrong about that too. I'd like to be right about the right thing. I don't want to be right all the time about this one not working out for whatever reason.
What am I saying? I'm not alone in my feelings and I'm not alone frankly put. It's time for me to call this a day. Watch the Vicar of Dibley get married. Sleep this beer off. Turn off the National. And dream of a future filled with promise. Whether I'm with a partner or not, my future will happen. And I'm the only one who makes my destiny. So imma make it.
September 22, 2013
It's Getting Pretty Queer Up in Here
One of the most awesome parts of my job is that I organize an LGBT film festival called QFEST. The founder of the project, my friend Joey, left the company to get a master's degree and they asked for volunteers to be involved. I'm not kidding when I say I was immediate in my response. I love movies, I believe in activism and I like being in charge organizing things.
QFEST is in its fourth year and when I got involved we only had two months to pick movies, schedule speakers and promote it. This time, I'm taking a more whole approach. We've been making ourselves visible at pride events around the area- which has been great because though we don't have our films picked I've been getting awesome feedback from what I do tell people about what we've been considering- and keeping up with Facebook. I've been trying to think of ways for QFEST to be in the minds of people all year round. Just like Sundance or Tribeca. Granted, those are much larger scale events with much larger sums of money to play around with. But still. It's not like they didn't start from somewhere.
A few weeks ago an idea hit me like lightning. My company also manages Schenectady County Public Access television production and WE SHOULD HAVE A QFEST MOVIE SHOW!!! We could talk about movies, gay movies, what queer means, how to make movies, WHATEVER.
Hells to the yes.
So. We recorded our first two episodes already!! We're going to do two a month. Fifteen to twenty minutes each. And they're going to be fuuuuuuun. Next Monday we'll be recording October's episodes and I can't wait. The whole thing has been a really exciting and engaging experience for me and my co-planners. We've interviewed a graphic designer about movie poster design and a friend who goes to a lot of movie festivals about how to make a good film festival. My next guests will be two lovely ladies named Becca and Barbara who I went to college with and who are half of a new film production company called The Fold. They're trying to finance this great webseries called Freeloaders. Check out their projects! They've got some great tricks up their sleeves.
Here's our first episode. I hope you like check it out and like it. Like it, dammit.
QFEST is in its fourth year and when I got involved we only had two months to pick movies, schedule speakers and promote it. This time, I'm taking a more whole approach. We've been making ourselves visible at pride events around the area- which has been great because though we don't have our films picked I've been getting awesome feedback from what I do tell people about what we've been considering- and keeping up with Facebook. I've been trying to think of ways for QFEST to be in the minds of people all year round. Just like Sundance or Tribeca. Granted, those are much larger scale events with much larger sums of money to play around with. But still. It's not like they didn't start from somewhere.
A few weeks ago an idea hit me like lightning. My company also manages Schenectady County Public Access television production and WE SHOULD HAVE A QFEST MOVIE SHOW!!! We could talk about movies, gay movies, what queer means, how to make movies, WHATEVER.
Hells to the yes.
So. We recorded our first two episodes already!! We're going to do two a month. Fifteen to twenty minutes each. And they're going to be fuuuuuuun. Next Monday we'll be recording October's episodes and I can't wait. The whole thing has been a really exciting and engaging experience for me and my co-planners. We've interviewed a graphic designer about movie poster design and a friend who goes to a lot of movie festivals about how to make a good film festival. My next guests will be two lovely ladies named Becca and Barbara who I went to college with and who are half of a new film production company called The Fold. They're trying to finance this great webseries called Freeloaders. Check out their projects! They've got some great tricks up their sleeves.
Here's our first episode. I hope you like check it out and like it. Like it, dammit.
August 15, 2013
Just Another Way For Me to Show Off Fluffy
There's a lot of social media out there and I try to keep on top of it. I like to check out new stuff. Just this past Sunday I set up a Vine account. I only posted two videos. Of my cat. It's not very captivating. But it's a start. I enjoy the format of Vine- 6 seconds, looped. I have a bunch of ideas of how to make it part of a project I have at work. I also have Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest. I have a Tumblr, but it's terrible. I haven't figured out what to do with it yet. In all honesty, my Twitter could use some work too. But I very much enjoy Facebook and Instagram because they're more my speed. Here's some of my favorite pictures. Filtered and all.
That is all. I just wanted to share and see if there are any cool new apps you guys have found. Anything? Bueller?
August 13, 2013
Sexy Playlist aka Maybe Skip This One, Dad
The other day I was listening to Radiohead's Ok Computer when "Climbing Up the Wall" came on. I love this song. Hell, I love the album. It's easily in my top ten. I know, it's on a lot of top tens. It's considered their best album, and one of the best albums in at least the past fifty years. Anyway. I remember how that song in particular used to make me feel back when I was sixteen. It made my heart rate slow down and warm all over. Really warm in my special place. The song doesn't affect me as strongly now as it did then, but man something about it really does it for me. There are a couple other songs that had the same effect on me in t, and I played those over and over and over again. If they were on a record, I would've worn that groove out.
Here's my list of songs that made me tingle. In my pants.
Radiohead "Climbing Up the Walls"
The lyrics are not sexy. No. It's the creeping base line.
Blur "Sing"
Maybe it's Damon Albarn. Dude's hot. But if I had to guess, it's the driving anticipation of the chords.
Janet Jackson "If"
This one may be kind of a cheat. The video, the lyrics, JANET, the smoldering and threatening sexuality, all of it. But then again, the whole album is a known baby maker. For me, it's this song.
B.R.M.C. "Love Burns"
"She's all I want to see."
July 7, 2013
No Halfsies
I have to commute to Albany for work this month and there's a pool at that YMCA branch. I have access to a pool with my branch but it's at Schenectady High School and it's a hot, muggy and totally wet locker room. I'm talking my glasses are fogged up all the time and there's a filmy layer of water on the floor. It's not the most conducive to starting my morning from there. However, the Albany branch is so I want to get more swimming in this summer while I commute.
I was so excited to get some swimming in but I woke up with my leg in pain so I brought my bag to swim after work. I got all my shit together out of the bag- swim cap, nose plug, ear plugs- and took my pants off. I go to unwind the swimsuit only to realize it's just a sports bra. "This isn't a swimsuit." I put my pants back on, packed up my stuff and left. Super bummed. At home I immediately found my swimsuit and put it out.
On Friday I had time to kill between shifts so I brought my bag again. Was really looking forward to some laps. I love swimming. LOVE it. I got all my shit together out of the bag- swim cap, nose plug, ear plugs- and took my pants off. I went to unwind my swimsuit only to find out IT WAS THE SAME SPORTS BRA. What the eff??? I didn't take it out of my bag!? Where the eff is my swimsuit? Didn't I put it in my bag???
No.
Once home, I went looking for it. It was right where I left it- hanging on my closet door. WHY DID I DO THAT??
When I told my mom about it she asked why I didn't just put the sports bra on and go swimming? BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO SWIM IN A SPORTS BRA AND PANTIES. In a public pool. I don't think that's even legal.
The swimsuit is now safely in the gym bag. I'm going to try this again tomorrow. Wish me luck.
I was so excited to get some swimming in but I woke up with my leg in pain so I brought my bag to swim after work. I got all my shit together out of the bag- swim cap, nose plug, ear plugs- and took my pants off. I go to unwind the swimsuit only to realize it's just a sports bra. "This isn't a swimsuit." I put my pants back on, packed up my stuff and left. Super bummed. At home I immediately found my swimsuit and put it out.
On Friday I had time to kill between shifts so I brought my bag again. Was really looking forward to some laps. I love swimming. LOVE it. I got all my shit together out of the bag- swim cap, nose plug, ear plugs- and took my pants off. I went to unwind my swimsuit only to find out IT WAS THE SAME SPORTS BRA. What the eff??? I didn't take it out of my bag!? Where the eff is my swimsuit? Didn't I put it in my bag???
No.
Once home, I went looking for it. It was right where I left it- hanging on my closet door. WHY DID I DO THAT??
When I told my mom about it she asked why I didn't just put the sports bra on and go swimming? BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO SWIM IN A SPORTS BRA AND PANTIES. In a public pool. I don't think that's even legal.
The swimsuit is now safely in the gym bag. I'm going to try this again tomorrow. Wish me luck.
June 15, 2013
I Think We're Close Enough
I love this. I love the sound, the feeling, the aesthetic of the video. I can feel the palatable anticipation of each story.
June 14, 2013
Planes, Trains and Heartache
Wanna know something dumb? I am constantly composing posts in my head but I just never write them. I convince myself that my content is boring or too navel-gazey or trivial. Tonight, I was going through that vicious cycle, decided it was bullshit, got out of bed (yes I got in bed at 9 on a Friday, what are you going to say about it?) and grabbed the computer.
Ok. So. Now what to write about...?
How 'bout them Bears? Is that even still a team? Did they get sold or move somewhere? I'm constantly learning three years too late that a team has changed its name, moved or got sold or crashed into an airplane and the whole franchise died.
.... I don't really care.
I recently came back from a trip to visit my family. Some are literal family, some are figurative family. Either way I traveled the South spending time with people (sans one very good friend in NoVA who is owed a visit for sure- she knows who she is) who've known me the longest in my life. Somehow they still like me. I was nervous I tried to see too many people in a week's span. I can confidently say that I could've happily spent more time with each. I surprised my college friend Tina and finally met my "nephew" (with whom I'm now obsessed) and spent a few days with her family. I got to wish my dad a happy birthday in person (albeit a day early). Finally I was able to see my mother and sister and "new dad" David for a few days. I laughed a lot. The only downside was once I got home I realized I missed everyone with a terrible pang. See, this whole time I've lived away from them I thought I missed them less. Turns out I always miss them. I just get used to the pain.
People ask me when they find out that I moved to Albany for my now ex if I'll move to be closer to my family. I answer no. None of us are from Atlanta or Pawleys Island. I wouldn't be moving home. I would be starting all over again. I've done that enough. I've done that a total of six-ish times. I've filled my "starting over again" quota. Besides, I have a job I love, REALLY LOVE, in a company I truly believe in. I have friends who have guided me through the shit and who make me feel like I belong. I love the community in which I live. I love the weather here. (Dude, the humidity down there!! ACK!! It was like moving through soup. Hot, frizzy soup. This is where my vanity kicks in and I tell you that I love my curly hair way way waaaaaaay too much to put it through that shit.)
I also don't know if those loved ones are going to stay where they are. Wouldn't it suck nuts if I moved there and in a few years someone got transferred or decided "eff this?" I'd have to live under a climate-controlled dome with a job making rainbows and raising baby unicorns and kidnap all my friends to go down there with me to risk all that I have up here.
That being said, there's a hole in my heart when I'm away from them. No amount of Skype or phone conversation or email or text or Facebook can fill that. I just need to figure out a way to make it happen on the regular. Got any ideas? Cheap ones? Free ones?
Ok. So. Now what to write about...?
How 'bout them Bears? Is that even still a team? Did they get sold or move somewhere? I'm constantly learning three years too late that a team has changed its name, moved or got sold or crashed into an airplane and the whole franchise died.
.... I don't really care.
I recently came back from a trip to visit my family. Some are literal family, some are figurative family. Either way I traveled the South spending time with people (sans one very good friend in NoVA who is owed a visit for sure- she knows who she is) who've known me the longest in my life. Somehow they still like me. I was nervous I tried to see too many people in a week's span. I can confidently say that I could've happily spent more time with each. I surprised my college friend Tina and finally met my "nephew" (with whom I'm now obsessed) and spent a few days with her family. I got to wish my dad a happy birthday in person (albeit a day early). Finally I was able to see my mother and sister and "new dad" David for a few days. I laughed a lot. The only downside was once I got home I realized I missed everyone with a terrible pang. See, this whole time I've lived away from them I thought I missed them less. Turns out I always miss them. I just get used to the pain.
People ask me when they find out that I moved to Albany for my now ex if I'll move to be closer to my family. I answer no. None of us are from Atlanta or Pawleys Island. I wouldn't be moving home. I would be starting all over again. I've done that enough. I've done that a total of six-ish times. I've filled my "starting over again" quota. Besides, I have a job I love, REALLY LOVE, in a company I truly believe in. I have friends who have guided me through the shit and who make me feel like I belong. I love the community in which I live. I love the weather here. (Dude, the humidity down there!! ACK!! It was like moving through soup. Hot, frizzy soup. This is where my vanity kicks in and I tell you that I love my curly hair way way waaaaaaay too much to put it through that shit.)
I also don't know if those loved ones are going to stay where they are. Wouldn't it suck nuts if I moved there and in a few years someone got transferred or decided "eff this?" I'd have to live under a climate-controlled dome with a job making rainbows and raising baby unicorns and kidnap all my friends to go down there with me to risk all that I have up here.
That being said, there's a hole in my heart when I'm away from them. No amount of Skype or phone conversation or email or text or Facebook can fill that. I just need to figure out a way to make it happen on the regular. Got any ideas? Cheap ones? Free ones?
April 30, 2013
Where Oh Where?
Something really weird is happening with my appetite. I'm still as hungry as I was before this shift but something happened with the food I find appealing. I used to be obsessed with Chex Mix. Like, OBSESSED. I also had a thing for, like any baked goods. If it was a carb I would would crave it like I was some mad chipmunk in the fall getting my carb stores ready for the freeze. But all year round. It was awesome and terrible at the same time.
Now...? Well, with P90X I'm following the nutrition guide and for the first five weeks (I'm in week eight) I had only one carb serving a day, not including fruit- of which I had one serving a day as well. The carbs had to be whole wheat. No chocolate, no sweetener. It was pretty rough going for a while there. But I did it. After a few weeks I let a little bit of chocolate back in but it wasn't the same. This isn't my first food cleanse, I've done two before. But the goal is different this time. I'm eating for a greater purpose than just general wellness- I have a physical goal. I'm eating to fuel myself for a specific workout for specific results. As a result, I just don't crave stuff that was only pleasure eating. A negative- I don't look forward to food like I used to. Now I eat because I have to. Where's the fun in that? Sad panda. I'm in the phase that ups the carb servings to three a day as for fuel. I'm enjoying this phase a lot better.
Honestly I thought I would see more of a transformation in my body. Other people in my class have dropped visible weight. Me? Not so much. I have discernible results, totally. I can do push-ups on my toes and not on my knees. I can do plyometrics in longer stretches. I'm pushing myself more than ever. These are things I couldn't say eight weeks ago. That all said, I'd be lying if I didn't think it would be more drastic.
Yeah, yeah- everyone's body is different. I didn't eat that poorly before and my body is different from the Katherine from just a few years ago. I can't expect crazy results. All I can expect is that I become stronger. That is already the case. It's only up from here. And it'll be even better without all the muffins and croissants weighing me down.
Now...? Well, with P90X I'm following the nutrition guide and for the first five weeks (I'm in week eight) I had only one carb serving a day, not including fruit- of which I had one serving a day as well. The carbs had to be whole wheat. No chocolate, no sweetener. It was pretty rough going for a while there. But I did it. After a few weeks I let a little bit of chocolate back in but it wasn't the same. This isn't my first food cleanse, I've done two before. But the goal is different this time. I'm eating for a greater purpose than just general wellness- I have a physical goal. I'm eating to fuel myself for a specific workout for specific results. As a result, I just don't crave stuff that was only pleasure eating. A negative- I don't look forward to food like I used to. Now I eat because I have to. Where's the fun in that? Sad panda. I'm in the phase that ups the carb servings to three a day as for fuel. I'm enjoying this phase a lot better.
Honestly I thought I would see more of a transformation in my body. Other people in my class have dropped visible weight. Me? Not so much. I have discernible results, totally. I can do push-ups on my toes and not on my knees. I can do plyometrics in longer stretches. I'm pushing myself more than ever. These are things I couldn't say eight weeks ago. That all said, I'd be lying if I didn't think it would be more drastic.
Yeah, yeah- everyone's body is different. I didn't eat that poorly before and my body is different from the Katherine from just a few years ago. I can't expect crazy results. All I can expect is that I become stronger. That is already the case. It's only up from here. And it'll be even better without all the muffins and croissants weighing me down.
March 26, 2013
The Post Where I Yell a Lot
My Team in Training Marathon got derailed due to injury. I didn't post about it because I was pretty upset. I had a goal that was to help others and help get me through the end of the shitty year that was 2012. I raised half of the $3800 goal and athe money I raised still went to Team in Training and it wasn't a total bust. So that's good. In the meantime I haven't been running since September. For those of you keeping track it's now the END OF MARCH. I've missed running and the fresh air it forces me to gulp down but I couldn't risk greater injury and permanent damage. At least I missed running in the Winter and not the wonderful running seasons of Autumn and Spring. BUT STILL!
So what happened? My physical therapist discovered that I strained the muscle that lifts the leg, the equivalent of the cow's tenderloin muscle. Then with more work we found out that a big butt muscle (a literal pain in my ass) tightened up to the point that it caused my other muscles to over-compensate and it didn't manifest until my front-hip made it impossible for me to run or walk without searing pain. After THREE MONTHS of mother-loving therapy (MERRY CHRISTMAS BANK ACCOUNT) I got the go-ahead to start light workouts with some serious stretching pre and post workouts.
Here I am. Seven months later and back at my heaviest weight since I started Weight Watchers eight (EIGHT!!!!) years ago. During therapy I tried swimming, Pilates and yoga. Those were the least impact and I still had some pain. So all I could do was therapy. When I had the okay I started doing some elliptical training. Boring. I started walking on the treadmill. BOOOORING. I saw some posters around my gym offering a P90X class. INTERESTING. I've had my eye on the DVDs for years but I knew it was too much money for me to spend on new coasters. Also, I don't have anyone pushing me or making sure my form is correct. Here was the solution to all those quandaries. A CLASS!!! I thought about it for a week, took the first intro class and signed up!
I know what you're thinking, "Katherine, you CRAZY." Yes. Yes I am. But not this time. The workouts are varied so there isn't repetitive movement and so far NO INJURY. This is great. I get nutrition information, I get someone telling me to squat deeper, my pants are looser in two weeks! WHAT? THIS IS AMAZING. There couldn't have been better timing. I mean, I miss chocolate and beer but there's an end date and I have a goal. This will make me stronger, faster and more energetic. I don't expect to become Superwoman, but I will be the most SUPER KATHERINE that ever existed. Wish me luck!
So what happened? My physical therapist discovered that I strained the muscle that lifts the leg, the equivalent of the cow's tenderloin muscle. Then with more work we found out that a big butt muscle (a literal pain in my ass) tightened up to the point that it caused my other muscles to over-compensate and it didn't manifest until my front-hip made it impossible for me to run or walk without searing pain. After THREE MONTHS of mother-loving therapy (MERRY CHRISTMAS BANK ACCOUNT) I got the go-ahead to start light workouts with some serious stretching pre and post workouts.
Here I am. Seven months later and back at my heaviest weight since I started Weight Watchers eight (EIGHT!!!!) years ago. During therapy I tried swimming, Pilates and yoga. Those were the least impact and I still had some pain. So all I could do was therapy. When I had the okay I started doing some elliptical training. Boring. I started walking on the treadmill. BOOOORING. I saw some posters around my gym offering a P90X class. INTERESTING. I've had my eye on the DVDs for years but I knew it was too much money for me to spend on new coasters. Also, I don't have anyone pushing me or making sure my form is correct. Here was the solution to all those quandaries. A CLASS!!! I thought about it for a week, took the first intro class and signed up!
I know what you're thinking, "Katherine, you CRAZY." Yes. Yes I am. But not this time. The workouts are varied so there isn't repetitive movement and so far NO INJURY. This is great. I get nutrition information, I get someone telling me to squat deeper, my pants are looser in two weeks! WHAT? THIS IS AMAZING. There couldn't have been better timing. I mean, I miss chocolate and beer but there's an end date and I have a goal. This will make me stronger, faster and more energetic. I don't expect to become Superwoman, but I will be the most SUPER KATHERINE that ever existed. Wish me luck!
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