Everyone's Got Issues, Man

I schedule my therapy appointments for 8am so I can go before work. This means I'm the first crazy person in my therapist's day. Woo! Whatever, she thinks I'm really funny and it's really a great way to start my day. And since I've been taking the bus to therapy it gives me lots of time to go over the things we discussed in my head. All around, 8am is the way to go!

More often than not, when I leave her office there's no one waiting in the tiny waiting room. Lately, however, there has been a person waiting each visit. I don't care but I feel like I should because none of them look at me when I'm leaving like they invaded my privacy. I'm always smiling when I leave, it's not like my make-up is streaming or I have snot dripping out of my nose. If anything I'm a reassurance that therapy is AWESOME! But since they don't look at me, I only notice them peripherally, like oh there's a person there. But it's almost as if they are ashamed to be there. They even walk into the office with their eyes cast downward like someone caught them. I've never seen those people again but there were a few weeks in a row a few years back where I knew the person in the waiting room. I was like, oh hey- haha we go to the same shrink, whatever. We never talked about it. It was just like, oh I know you- moving on.

I wonder if these people think there's a stigma even within the mental health community. Like, it's cool if someone else needs a therapist BUT I DON'T! I'm FINE! Everyone's well aware there are people out there who feel that therapy is shameful or for people of weak character. Well, those people are full of shit and are likely the ones most in need of a therapist themselves. Therapy has helped me in ways I didn't anticipate. My therapist is not a yes-woman. That's not what I'm paying her for. I'm paying her to tell me when I'm really not thinking things through enough or with the right perspective or to tell me how to talk to people in a constructive way during an argument or to tell me that something I'm stressing about is neither here nor there. I've found my relationships to be healthier and happier thanks to therapy. And that is nothing to be ashamed about.

Timeliness Is Not a Strong Suit of Mine

Welsh Flag

March 1st was a day of celebration for my Welsh ancestors and Mike and I threw a party in honor of Saint David, patron saint of Wales, on Saturday. Mike made a fantastic trivia game for the party but left out St. David himself. So, a day late and many dollars short here are some facts about Saint "I taught that loser St. Patrick everything he knew" David and Wales.

1. Unlike the other British Isle patron saints, St. David is a native of his patronage.

2. His birthdate is unknown. It ranges from 462 to 512. According to legend he lived to be over 100 years old at his time of death.

3. He is the patron saint of poets.

4. Women wear daffodils and men wear leeks in celebration on Saint David's Day. Welsh words for "leek" and "daffodil" are very close so both are considered Welsh symbols- daffodils are the national flower and leeks are the national emblem.

5. Saint David ordered his soldiers to wear leeks in their helmets as an identifier during a battle against the Saxons in a leek field.

6. The United States has the second largest population of people with Welsh ancestry, second only to Wales itself.

7. The Tudor Dynasty of Elizabeth I and her father Henry VIII is Welsh in ancestry.

8. The British Union Jack incorporates the flags of England, Scotland and Ireland but not the flag of Wales.

9. The title Prince of Wales is a title given to the heir apparent of the British throne. Right now it's Prince Charles and when he takes the throne the title will move to his eldest son Prince William.

10. Some common Welsh surnames are Bowen, Lloyd, Griffith, Rice, Davies, Meredith, Price, Owens, Edwards, Lewis, Morgan and Vaughn.

11. The well known Welsh phrase "do the little things in life" are said to be some of St. David's last words.

12. St. David drank only water.

13. Some famous people from Wales include Anthony Hopkins, Catherine Zeta Jones, Christian Bale and TOM JONES. (I want to walk down the aisle to "She's a Lady.")

Flag of Saint David

Where Did I Come From?

My dad and I always joke about the fact that I'm a bleeding heart Liberal while my father is a fairly moderate Conservative. We disagree on things like reproductive rights, taxes and military action but we're able to laugh about it- which is nice. Our discussions can be interesting and refreshing. Then there are conversations with my mother. I don't talk politics with my mother for a few reasons; I don't think her opinions are really hers, she gets her information from one source and she doesn't know how to relate to me on a fundamental level without differing opinions figuring into the mix.

These facts led Mike and me to a morning discussion about what circumstances make people who they are and believe what they believe. I suppose it's an extension of the nature versus nurture debate. Your parents can only influence so much before your own opinions and beliefs are made and you become your own person. Mike deduced that since I moved around so much as a kid I was exposed to so many more belief systems than the one I grew up with. If I didn't move away from Northern Michigan, for example, I would assume everyone in the world was Christian and white as snow or a Muppet. That's probably why California was such a culture shock for me. (I am sooooo glad the move wasn't the other way around- I would have turned into a coked out slut simply from boredom!) I was surrounded by more people who weren't like me than people who were like me. When we moved to Virginia, ironically, I was exposed to an even greater diversity than California. More religions, ethnicities, political systems- it was great!

Mike was helping me piece together where I sort of "formed" and he figures Virginia when I was a teenager. But I think it started before then. I remember learning what Democrats and Republicans were in eighth grade in CA and when I asked my father to which party he belonged he said Republican And I remember being HORRIFIED. I now know that my teacher must've taught with a liberal slant but nevertheless still HORRIFIED. Then I got into theatre while at the same time subscribed to an all-inclusive Catholicism where you love your neighbor no matter what they look like or find attractive. I dropped the Catholicism and kept the theatre and loving your neighbor stuff, mixed it with a little needing government help and voila! You have yourself a liberal idealist named Katherine.

Oh Dear

Apparently shoulder pads were a huge success on the runway this past New York fashion week. They didn't work the first time. I would even say disastrous. Why are they coming back now? I don't care to relive the time a boy in my class asked me if I was on a football team as a linebacker. I wasn't then and I never will be.

It Has Begun!

I signed up for the Pine Bush Triathlon last night! I want to sign up for the Crystal Lake Triathlon as soon as possible- just need to make sure no one is getting married that weekend. If it's a local wedding I'll do the race anyway. I could use a workout like that a day I'm going to drink myself stupid. There's a third race in September I have my sights on but it's an Olympic distance. I don't know if I'm ready for that. I'm a little nervous about a longer swim, not nervous at all about the bike since it's only six miles longer than Crystal Lake, but I'm very nervous about doing all that and then running a 10k. The longest I've ever run is 5 miles and that was after sitting on my touches all day. I'll get myself started on my training program and see how I feel in July. Then I'll make a decision (I just hope the race doesn't fill up!)

It's strange how excited I am about the races only because I have done SO LITTLE to keep myself in triathlon shape over the winter. I've been swimming and running here and there but I haven't been getting up early and I haven't been on a bike since November. I've softened up. Sigh. I weigh within five pounds of my weight from last year's Pine Bush Race and that's not bad considering but I'm puffy and lazy.

I was up with plenty of time this morning for a workout but I couldn't get myself motivated to get outside. Mike hypothesized that I may have slight seasonal affectiveness disorder. I'm not depressed but I sleep a lot. I mean A LOT! And I can't get motivated when it's dark and damp outside. On weekends I run outside because I wait for it to warm up and then I have a great run. So it's not like I don't enjoy my workouts. Quite the contrary, I love my workouts. It's just the motivation I lack.

Now I have my first deadline set. I'm going to try the training schedule that came in my book Your First Triathlon. My friend Pamela set me up with a fantastic training schedule for a first timer last year and I may ask her for one again. It was attainable and totally prepared me for my first race. However, the schedule in my book is tougher- I believe it includes weight training- and I think it might be the kick in my pants I need. Hoo-wah!

Happy Ash Wednesday Suckas

I used to be very religious. I was a fairly devout Catholic who was an alter server for many years and even contemplated devoting my life to helping others in the name of God. Then I went to college. Seeds of doubt were planted after a religious class or two and in the years that followed I became less of a believer. I didn't flat out stop going to church until I moved to Albany. There are many factors that lead me to my current atheistic-leaning state of being (if you ask my mother The Divorce is what made me Godless and NOTHING ELSE contributed to my educated decision but that is another post for another time [like later today perhaps]) but the biggest factor is that I really don't believe in the after-life. Anywhoodle, the point is I used to love the Jesus.

My senior year of high school my friend Pamela and I were feeling ambitious and decided to get our ashes before school and then get some bagels from Dunkin' Donuts. Nothing like starting our day with some Jesus and some carbs. Well, we get to school freshly ashed and ready to eat it up when most-devout-Catholic-ever Patrick curtly reminded us that Ash Wednesday is a day of fasting and we were now old enough participate in the fasting. Awesome. Not a second later my friend Erin looks at me and as she licks her finger to wipe my face (!) says, "Don't move! You have something on your forehead." I dart her saliva and tell her what exactly is going on with my face. She thinks I'm crazy.

Now a little cranky and very hungry I make my way to German class where my classmate turns to talk to me and jumps. "What's on your face?" "Ashes." "Of what!?" "Dead relatives." She was about to shit her pants when I tell her I'm joking and that the ashes are made of last year's palms from Palm Sunday. We share a laugh and my teacher gives us a quick lesson on Germany and its Aschermittwoch traditions. The rest of my day was incident free.

That year I gave up swearing for Lent but a few days into my personal trial I had a little issue with an ex-boyfriend and I easily slipped back into swearing like a trucker. So much for Godliness. Am I right? I wish better luck to those who are participating in Lent this year. Really, I think it's commendable that you are taking these 40 days to better yourself as a person. It's great to test your boundaries every once and a while. You may surprise yourself.

I Got Your Happily Ever After Right Here

In eleventh grade my AP History class had a family history project. We were to pick a branch of our family tree and begin our report when that branch sprouted in America. My Nana, maternal grandmother, was pissed I took German (her husband's heritage) for my language requirement. So I figured I'd pacify her and write about her family for my project.

I got a "B" on the project (it didn't deserve such a good grade- I was terribly busy being a drama nerd) and proceeded to put it somewhere and now I can't find it anymore. That's okay because it's a piece of crap. A piece of crap that is full of misinformation. Misinformation? Let's fast forward to my sophomore year of college. I went to Tampa for Thanksgiving since my immediate family was stationed in England and I couldn't afford to go home. I didn't really want to go anyway since my parents split up the year before and holidays from that point on were just going to be painful requirements. So I thought I'd spend it with my extended family- I haven't seen those people in years. That'd be cool, right? Not cool, no, but informative.

I fully expected Nana to parade me around to various family members who hadn't seen me in a long time. This included Great-Nana Red. My Great-aunt Maria, me, Nana, Papa and Maria's six year old daughter all go see Nana Red together. Nana Red asked how my family was doing and I told her Mom was in Colorado and Dad and siblings were in England. She asks, "Why aren't they together?" I look over to Nana with confusion- why didn't she know about the split? While Nana Red starts to panic about what's happened to my mom, Nana and Maria proceed to bicker about why Nana Red wasn't told anything and Papa stays out of it by playing with his niece. I take it upon myself to tell her that my parents are getting a divorce. Her response? "Oh, it runs in the family." What runs in the family? DIVORCE. Say what? No one said anything about divorce in that FAMILY TREE REPORT I WROTE.

Turns out Great-grandfather Whatshisname and Nana Red got a divorce a looooong time ago. Then I found out my grandparents also got a divorce. In 1981. The year I was born. And I didn't find out until 2000. They got divorced but not annulled and then moved back in together and now they have a common-law marriage. But technically they are divorced and apparently incredibly stupid.

People who know this story joke around that I'm next in the line of divorce. I'll tell you something: all this divorce did me a favor. All of those people were (in my grandparents' case are) miserable. None of them should've gotten married in the first place. I learned more about marriage from these divorces than I would've if they stayed married (on purpose.) All those people were/are emotionally retarded. No wonder they got divorced.

I was never romantic. I can thank my mother for that. She never kept it secret that marriage wasn't what she thought it would be. Awesome, right? That's exactly what your ten-year-old wants to hear when you're driving to a craft show at the mall. Was that insensitive of her? Yes. Terrible? Maybe. Helpful? Incredibly. I believe in marriage more now than when my parents were still married. Being married is a rollercoaster. It will be amazing some days and shitastic other days. But that's what you're going to get when you see the same person all the time.

I am prepared for marriage. I am excited to create a new path with Mike. I can't wait to laugh with him, cry with him, conduct social experiments on our kids with him. Thanks to the mistakes of my family I know it's okay to not like your partner all the time. But most importantly I know it's okay to love all the time. Divorce is the best thing that could ever have happened to me.

25 Things About Me

I'm copying Perennially Bellis by stealing this post from my Facebook account for the people who aren't on Facebook (like my dad) so my apologies to those who've already read it. I'm not being lazy- it's either this or I talk about how the only body parts that stayed cold during my 40 minute run this morning were my camel knees. You're welcome.

1. The only reason I tolerate my middle name is because it is in honor of my father's grandmother.
2. My middle name is Frances.
3. I didn't know how to spell my middle name until I was applying to college.
4. I didn't know my social security number until I was applying to college.
5. I think a college education is overrated in today's society.
6. I would be perfectly happy if my children wanted to be tradespeople.
7. I only want two children.
8. I'm scared that my first born will be a boy because I don't know what I would do with him.
9. I'm not looking forward to planning a wedding because I have no money for a wedding.
10. I'm getting married to a man who makes me laugh like no one ever has.
11. I loooove laughing.
12. I laugh at everything. If you told me you ran over my cat I would chuckle before I punched you in the mouth.
13. I have the perfect pet for me. She's neurotic, hungry all the time, emotionally needy, likes massages and has long hair.
14. I'm neurotic, hungry all the time, emotionally needy, like massages and have long hair.
15. I'm worried I will never have a real career let alone the one I want.
16. I want to be an arts administrator. I want to be a part of my community in the capacity that I bring theatre, dance, and art to my neighbors.
17. I think eliminating the art programs from schools is one of the greatest mistakes a society can make.
18.When I was younger I wanted to be an artist, ballerina, actor, lawyer, doctor, and engineer. All in that order.
19. When I was younger I was Catholic. I was even an alter server.
20. I was so Catholic one day I started crying about why people would kill Jesus. It was totally unprovoked. What did he ever do?
21. I moved my sister into my room when I was nine and she was four because I was convinced she would crawl under the bed or into the closet during a fire and die. When I realized her sharing my room entailed leaving the hall door open AND having a lamp on because she was scared of the dark I kicked her out.
22. My mom tells me I'm her best friend. I cannot reciprocate.
23. I worry that I wasted my potential.
24. I can't eat meat unless I can see it and even then there can be no fat or gristle. I will gag. Therefore I've never eaten a chicken wing.
25. I'm a hermit.