May 30, 2010

Karma's a Bitch

Dear Motherfucker Who Stole My Bike,

You know, I really don't appreciate the fact that you took my bike. In fact, I think it's very rude. But congratulations c*ck sucker, you made the right choice in stealing my bike instead of the THREE OTHER BIKES RIGHT NEXT TO IT. ONE OF WHICH WASN'T EVEN LOCKED UP. My bike is freshly tuned up, I added a basket, an under-seat bag, and I made it really safe with a bunch of reflectors and flashy lights. Hell, it is so awesome I would steal it too. If I WAS A MOTHERFUCKING, SPINELESS, UNIMAGINATIVE, CALLOUS THIEF. But I'm not. So I wouldn't.

For your sake I really hope you either look like me or like a bearded hipster wearing clam diggers and slip-on Vans. Otherwise you're going to scream, "Hey, I'm a dick who stole this bike from a basement that was totally around a corner and out of sight from the street. In fact, I may or may not live in that fool's building. You'll never know. But you can probably guess it was an inside job. All you know for sure is that I totally don't belong with this bike. In fact, I look ridiculous. You might as well report me to the police and save them some time."

If I ever find you, dear bike thief, I am going to take a bat to your head. And you know what? I don't even like violence. I was seriously becoming a pacifist Quaker for a little while. You have driven me to the most violent thoughts I have ever dreamed. You have violated me and my fiance. I hope you rot in hell. No. I hope you go to prison for the myriad of other crimes you are surely committing and get shivved with a whittled toothbrush while eating crappy tapioca pudding. Maybe I'm being harsh. I hope it's chocolate pudding.

Get a job.

May 27, 2010

More Than My Groove Thing Shaking

You know how there are more articles out there about bridal weight loss there are about what centerpieces to choose? Ok I am exaggerating but that's what it feels like. I ignore most articles about weddings unless they have to do with the couple's relationship. I don't need someone telling me that my size eight dress of the rack is too big. Because it is not. That being said, I regret I didn't get in better shape. I haven't worked out since my last race and I've been a little carefree with the caloric intake. Man, I love Taco Bell. In fact, I could really go for some right now. What time is it? Drive thrus are totally open late, yes? Yes!

I digress. Though I'm really hard on myself right now (I kind of cried to Mike about how I wish I was in better shape for him for our wedding- for the record, he thinks I'm an idiot) I realize that I simply look like myself. I still look like the healthy Katherine who competes in triathlons. I still look like the Katherine who enjoys baked goods in, ahem, moderation. Isn't that all I can really ask of myself? There's a blogger I really enjoy who was in the best shape of her life for her wedding- who wouldn't want to be? But she doesn't look like that day to day. And she's mentioned how much that bums her out. She looks great now, but she beats up on herself whenever she looks at those photos. I never want to do that to myself. I am enough of an asshole about what I see in the mirror without adding my wedding album to that list of bummers.

So instead, I'm going to relish the fact that I didn't kill, deprive, or knock myself down in order to look like someone I'm not in my wedding photos. Yes, I wish my arms were a little more toned but frankly I've wished that for years. Maybe one day I will look at my wedding photos and wish I still looked like that. Maybe I'll look back and think, what was stopping me from being that much more fit? I won't know until that day comes. But for now, my dress fits me perfectly and I never went hungry. I'm taking what I can get. And that's totally cool by me.

May 13, 2010

A Marathon, Not a Sprint

Lately I've been really unfocused. At first glance I shouldn't be. The spring cleaning extravaganza *explosion of confetti* is as close to done as it's going to get (I could tear through the office and throw everything out. I don't think Mike would notice for a little while. If/when he does, though, I would put myself in some deep shit. Deep shit in a clean office. Hmmmm, I think I could live with that...) especially considering all the wedding gifts I can't open or put away and the massive amounts of left over food from the Best Wedding Shower Ever. And spring cleaning ALWAYS makes me feel totally and completely refreshed. There are a few things left for the wedding that are not my responsibility- and I'm sure as hell not making them my responsibility. And my diet is out of whack. Maybe I just explained to myself why I've been unfocused. I suppose the real problem isn't why I'm unfocused just simply that I am unfocused.

How do I get myself back on track when my routines have been changed? I no longer track my calories, my gym routine is out, and all the new foods I want to eat require a ton of time to prep. Today I grabbed a Lean Cuisine for a few reasons- I want to see how it feels after weeks of not eating one, I didn't want to make another salad, I didn't want to make something else, and I want to eat meat and potatoes while I feel a little under the weather. Which routine do I tackle first? Can I change all these things at the same time? Should I? Was it a bad idea to change a huge part of my being before the second biggest change in my life?

Perhaps I'll go back to tracking my calories while at the same time trying to change what and how I eat. There could be an epiphany. Or not. Maybe it'll just help me feel more focused until I can give my diet the real focus it needs. That's okay, right? Doing everything at once is not always the best idea. Right? The wedding is only three-ish weeks away. I can put this huge change on hold. Or at least slow the hell down. When I get excited about something, boy do I go full steam ahead. I just never want to run out of steam. Maybe that's why I need so many balls in the air. I'm afraid I'll collapse on myself.

May 11, 2010

One Down, Two or Three to Go

After serious Internet research I've found the results from my first true race of the season. I shaved a minute off of my whole time! One hour and 35 minutes. I'm surprised since my run felt so bad. I probably could have shaved more if my stomach didn't bother me during the last third. I don't know what it was. I had part of a smoothie hours prior- enough time to not be the issue- so I have no idea what could be the culprit for the discomfort. Lack of good sleep? Perhaps.

I can't say I did too bad. I just don't know if I did my overall best. I swam in 6:30, biked in 46:34 and ran in 37 flat. The swim felt terrible as did the run. But the bike portion felt great. I know I want to invest in clips or some other pedaling assistance so that could only help me feel even better. As for the swim it could have been nerves or the fact that I focused on other training this time. I incorporated more biking and running for this race- which explains the bike portion. For the next race, which is June 26th, I will try to be more well rounded in the training. I'm playing around with P90X this month to see how that works out. Overall conditioning is good, right?

As for the cleanse leading up to the race? I think I'm going to do that for many races. I want to cleanse for a few days or a whole week beforehand to clear out the sludge of whatever I usually eat. I don't eat that much processed food, but we all know how I am about baked goods. Cutting that out was just fine. I just need to keep my eye on the prize for each race. And by prize I mean fitting into the tri-suit. I mean, really. I'm not going to be winning any of these things any time soon- or at all. Cleanse or no cleanse.

May 5, 2010

It Takes Two, Thyroid. TWO!

Since Saturday I've been living an experiment. I've been trying to find a middle ground with what I ate and learned on the cleanse and what I would like to keep eating as a normal person. I can't come to a good conclusion in these four days. This week I want to introduce things in for sure because I have my wedding shower (SCONES!) and stag night (BOOZE!) on Saturday. My body can certainly handle it even if I did continue the cleanse but I really don't want to find out the hard way.

On Saturday, when I had my first bite of something sugary, I went into sugar shock- to be fair it was a lot of sugar- but I didn't really feel a crash. Then I had pizza and a beer on Sunday. Felt fine. And as of Monday morning didn't gain any weight back. So I slowly starting adding things like popcorn, some cheese and a few other carby things. This morning I weighed myself and gained some weight back! It takes time to gain weight, just like it takes time to lose weight. I get it. But considering how quickly I lost the weight I shouldn't be surprised that I wouldn't gain it back as quickly. Oh but I am. Silly me. However, I didn't go back to eating the same way! I'm really trying to take it slow and find a middle ground where I can exist for all eternity. I'm just surprised at how little it took for my body to respond so negatively.

My plan? This week keep the hybrid and let loose this weekend. I'm going to live a little. Next week, we'll get back on plan and do some herbal cleansing as well as dietary cleansing. I just hate feeling out of control of my body. It is icky. Hear that, Thyroid? I hate it! ICKY! I'm doing my part. Why aren't you? I hate pulling other people's slack. So get to it!