What Am I Thinking?

I mentioned a few posts ago that I quit my job. The job that I was really excited about getting a year ago turned into a shit storm. My dream job was a dream realized only by the job description but not my supervisors. I asked until my face turned blue for more projects, specific projects, and all they gave me to do was print documents on letterhead and send people scripts. That was it. Of course the job was downsized right after I gave my notice. So it worked out a little bit since I was able to claim unemployment for time I otherwise wouldn't have.

Want to know why I quit my job? I was so upset with my current employment and the desperate fact that there was nothing better out there for me, I decided to go into business for myself. The book business. I want to open a bookstore in downtown Albany.

The fact that I can now talk about it in my current jobs and on this blog without fear of my bosses finding out about it is liberating. I haven't really had a chance to write about it until now because getting my act together is proving an uphill battle. Fear keeps gripping me. Fear of my current financial situation getting in the way of securing financing. Fear of not getting the retail space I want. Fear of failure. Of course I won't know until I try. And I would never forgive myself if I didn't try. There are very few woulda, shoulda, couldas in my life and I don't want this to be it.

I'm sick of working for incompetent bosses. Managers who have no management skills are too many to count. I'm lucky that the two part time jobs I have are fine (I'm not writing that to cover my ass, they legitimately don't know about this blog and no one at work(s) does either.) But I've had some shitty bosses who don't mentor or foster employee talents. Which is even more annoying when I'm standing there telling them I'm good at something and can handle it.

So. I want to be my own boss. And maybe boss some other people. I want to be a manager who makes employees feel valuable and like they are a part of something other than a way to get a paycheck and check out. I also want to be able to DO STUFF. My jobs have been so limiting and with no real responsibility. I'm tired of it. I want to take the bull by the horns. Whatever horns they be. I'll take 'em.

I took a one-day intro to bookselling back in May when I went to the national trade show for bookselling. I joined the American Booksellers Association. I am taking an entrepreneurial "boot camp" where I'm meeting all kinds of people who can help me in my business plan and help me know where to go to get money. I'm not taking it so much for the what, I've done a TON of research on legal things and accounting things, but the how, who and where. It's proving awesome. Too bad I can only go to one of the two nights a week because my schedule prevents me from attending both. I also met with the owner of another independent bookstore in Albany and she's going to let me apprentice in her store close to one of my jobs. I'm trying to do this smartly. But also within my budget. Sadly I can't afford to go to a three day workshop in bookselling down in Florida. Maybe if I didn't just pay for a wedding on my credit card I would. Que sera sera.

So here I went. And here I go. Wish me luck. And I'll let you know what's up.