Fan Mail

Dear Ke$ha,

Did I spell that right? I wouldn't want to be rude. People misspell my name all the time and it really sticks in my craw. I love the original spelling. So catchy. Let me get to the point, I'm writing you this letter because I'm confused by some of the lyrics you sing in your hit single, "Tik Tok." Don't get me wrong, this song is awesome. I totally rock out to it when I'm working out or on the bus. Just love it.

However, let's check out the song. Shall we?



Here are the points with which I take issue with your lyricist- all due respect of course:

1. You brush your teeth with a bottle of Jack. That is a terrible idea for a few reasons- why waste a perfectly good bottle of whiskey on your toothbrush? Brushing it into your gums will not make you drunker faster. That only works with cocaine. Also, alcohol is almost all sugar and sugar gives you cavities. And lastly, whiskey does not give you fresh breath. You might as well skip brushing your teeth all together.
2. In using your swagger, you entice boys who look like Mick Jagger. I don't know what your type is but Mick Jagger is ugly. Even in his youth he was hit fairly hard and often with an awkward stick. Why on Earth would you want a party full of dudes who look like him? That is one unattractive sausage-fest.
3. If a boy tries to touch your junk and you don't expressly give permission for him to do so, don't laugh it off. Smack that fucker. And then kick him in the groin. Safety first, Ke$ha. Safety FIRST. Never be alone with a boy at a party unless your friends know where you are. And never leave your drinks unattended. Roofies give you one heck of a headache the day after. And I swear they come with crabs.
   
4. And lastly, if you are partying as hard as your song suggests, fighting until you see the sunlight is a tremendous waste of time. You should spend it trying to find dudes who are far more attractive than Mick Jagger. And that is easy and a much more excellent use of party time.

That's pretty much it. I hope you don't mind. Like I said, I really love this single off your debut album. I can't wait to see what you have in store for the music scene.

Kisses,
Katherine :)

PS- Can you send me a recent picture? Mike isn't convinced that you are really Caucasian.