October 7, 2010

Staying on My Toes I Suppose

A friend of mine had a baby not too long ago. She wanted to have a child so badly you could tell without her saying so. And once she was pregnant, she was the most radiant pregnant woman I've ever seen. She carried well, her skin glowed and peace rested in her face. She had everything she wanted- a husband she loves, a job she likes, a house she can call her own and a child to complete her family. I don't know if she's done having kids but there is something about her that says she has everything she wants out of life. That everything is easy roads from here on out.

I'm jealous. So jealous. Not that she has the house or the baby boy. But that she knows what she wants. We aren't so close that she confides in me often at all so for all I know there's some big picture stuff left on her life to do list. But she's so relaxed and happy that it seems there isn't.

One could think that it's kind of sad that she has it figured out at 30. There is no challenge left and she'll just coast. One could think it's really awesome and she could actually get on with Life instead of fighting or bartering with him all the time. I'm never really okay with where I am. There is always something I want to improve, change or wish to be better. I'll never feel settled. Is this a good thing? I'll always try to improve myself and my situation. Good or bad it's really exhausting.


Emily said...

I don't think its a bad thing! I may not be to the point you are even at - marriage - but I think that we think the same way. Most of us, our friends do. I think that sometimes people know exactly what they want and its those four basic things,
and once they achieve these they are set. There is nothing wrong with that! Good for them getting what they want out of life! Seriously! I just feel like I will always want to do more things, always be antsy. Thats who I am. That I think in part are you too! What makes it hard is that we want more things, we dont have it figured out and at the same time we want, the house, the husband the baby and that perfect job. I cant imagine having a partner in life where we wouldnt bump heads at times, or mess it up. How boring would perfect be all the time? RIGHT? Haha. I think it depends on the definition of perfect though. That is her answer. What is yours? I think perfect is always a little messy.

No matter what though - It will come - and you have to believe in that otherwise we will all go crazy. Now it may be my cold medicine speaking but I truly believe it. Its great to see this person so happy, and we should be happy for her, and all the good things in her life, but know that no matter what, no matter how crazy our lives are, our road is still being paved out for us!
We will do it!


belleshpgrl said...

I know what you mean and I am deeply happy for her. I hope it doesn't sound otherwise. I'm just jealous of her peace.

Krisnvt said...

I agree completely with Emily. Some people just don't really get introspective. These are the probably the same people who don't care which restaurant they go to, what they order, what they listen to, which movie is on, etc. I've often felt the same jealousy you are speaking of, because it just seems like it would be easier to live that way. But some of us just aren't wired to do so! Sometimes I wonder if they are jealous of us?