October 25, 2010

That Rock Will Never See it Coming

Back in May I did a cleanse. It turned out to be awesome! Eating raw and vegan was pretty cool for a month. I don't think I could do it for too long but it was nice to pull in the reigns of my impulsive eating. You can't possibly realize how much you rely on certain foods until you can't eat them anymore. So the cleanse was awesome for that. And I learned I love spinach in my smoothies. So, when my nutritionist mentioned she was putting one together for this season I was all up in it. However, three days in and I am really, really hurting.

What's the difference is between that cleanse and this cleanse? I've no idea. Besides the fact that it's not the same food. Last time was raw. This time it's soups and baked fruits. I have only made a few recipes and it could be that I've just not found the recipes that will really make it happen for me. Last time three days in I was coasting. Today is most certainly better than yesterday but I would hardly say I'm coasting. I can only hope tomorrow will be increasingly easier. And then after that I'll be okay. Yes?

I just have to remind myself that I'm doing this so my body works at full steam. A reset just in time for all the holiday eating and silly justifications. "It's Halloween. I NEVER eat Butterfingers so I'm going to eat five!" "I love ginger snaps. They are Christmas to me. I'll eat twenty." I can go a few days without eating chocolate or other sugars. I've proven that I can. Blerg. It's very telling what I miss and don't miss. I'm not missing cheese or bread. But then again I don't eat much of either as it is. I miss Taco Bell and chocolate covered almonds and hot chocolate topped in whipped cream. I haven't even craved my favorite snack- popcorn. I think what this means is I've been relying too much on those foods I'm craving the most. I'm scared I'll just go back to eating that stuff all the time. I probably will just be more conscious of what I'm craving and what that means. Quite frankly, I'd be ecstatic if I accomplished that. Emotional eating is my Sisyphus. I'm going to take that rock and teach it who's boss. Oh yeah. But until then, I'm hungry.

October 23, 2010

But Purple is My Favorite

When I was young my mother dressed me according to my color season. You remember the seasons don't you? You could be a Winter, a Summer, Spring or Autumn. It was all according to your skin tone. Not a combination of factors like hair or eye color- equally important in determining what colors make you pop- just your skin tone. My dominant skin tone is peach and according to the color seasons that makes me an Autumn. All this means is in order to bring out the best in my complexion I'm supposed to stick to all the colors you see in my corresponding season. In my case, golden hued colors- pumpkin, burnt sienna, brown, mustard yellow- are the colors I should stick to. And to my mother this meant I COULD NEVER WEAR A COLOR THAT WASN'T ON MY WHEEL.

My color analysis was a holy text to her. She only veered off course with blue- because my eyes are blue. And when we went shopping together she would never get on board with a new color. Like yellow. Or green. She would discard those colors with total disdain. My color palette was one of a dying season. It's okay I suppose. I do love Autumn. It's my favorite. And you know, in all my school portraits, my skin did in fact glow. Mom didn't let me down there. My skin is so pale people think I'm ill if I'm not wearing some make-up. So what she accomplished was no small feat.

I simply wish I stood up to her when I was older and realized the color analysis is a total croc. It's one thing if you don't wear colors that look bad on you, but it's another to base a woman's sense of beauty on what colors she wears. I would never wear red. Primary red. Because it looks bad on me. But I could wear purple. Or gasp! green. These colors really bring out my eyes. But the color wheel told my mother that my eyes didn't matter. I'm not sitting here cursing my mother- for once that statement is true. Just looking at these vibrant colors of the season reminded me of the years of wearing them almost year round. Maybe that's why I love them so much. I was imprinted at such a young age to love them AND ONLY THEM. Too bad I love others. But don't let Autumn know.

October 17, 2010

Hipster or Dude Who Lives in His Mom's Basement?

1. His hair is greasy and the haircut is all too similar to the one his mother gave him when he was five- short on the neck but generous in the bangs.

2. Mom and Dad enable his lifestyle.

3. His wardrobe consists of jeans with holes in them and t-shirts of defunct beer companies.

4. Rush's entire catalog is in his possession. In vinyl.

5. His glasses are plastic-rimmed.

6. The facial hair of choice is a mustache. Or an attempt at a mustache.

7. Frisbee is his sport of choice.

8. Sometimes, in the summer, he'll wear cutoff jean shorts.

9. He thinks JRR Tolkein is totally the author to read.

10. His mom wishes he would just get a real job already.

October 7, 2010

Staying on My Toes I Suppose

A friend of mine had a baby not too long ago. She wanted to have a child so badly you could tell without her saying so. And once she was pregnant, she was the most radiant pregnant woman I've ever seen. She carried well, her skin glowed and peace rested in her face. She had everything she wanted- a husband she loves, a job she likes, a house she can call her own and a child to complete her family. I don't know if she's done having kids but there is something about her that says she has everything she wants out of life. That everything is easy roads from here on out.

I'm jealous. So jealous. Not that she has the house or the baby boy. But that she knows what she wants. We aren't so close that she confides in me often at all so for all I know there's some big picture stuff left on her life to do list. But she's so relaxed and happy that it seems there isn't.

One could think that it's kind of sad that she has it figured out at 30. There is no challenge left and she'll just coast. One could think it's really awesome and she could actually get on with Life instead of fighting or bartering with him all the time. I'm never really okay with where I am. There is always something I want to improve, change or wish to be better. I'll never feel settled. Is this a good thing? I'll always try to improve myself and my situation. Good or bad it's really exhausting.