After Writing This I Think My Knickers Require a Changing

There was this episode of "Friends" in which Ross makes a list of celebrity "freebies" and he can't figure out who should go on it. That means if he ever meets these celebrities and convinces them to sleep with him, Rachel -his girlfriend- can't hold it against him. This concept has been visited often in pop culture and garners lots of debate with me and Mike. Well, not so much a debate as I state someone I want to put on my five and Mike thinks I'm crazy and doubts his attractiveness. I don't think my five is really all that strange. I think it's just perfect.

1. Common. This African-American, 37 year-old rapper from Chicago is amazing. He writes socially conscious rap with addictive beats. His speaking voice is like velvet and he sure is purty. Mike's problem with this is the old adage, "once you go black, you never go back." I'm pretty confident I would come back. Afterall, Mikey is my Sweetcheeks. Anyway, Common is always a pleasure to listen to and watch. And he does it for me.

2. Adam Goldberg. Here we have a 38 year-old, Jewish actor whose neurotic ramblings I find very sexy. I think my thing for him started when I saw his chesty man chest in The Hebrew Hammer, a movie about a Jewish super(?)hero who is charged with saving Hanukkah. Then I saw him in Three Days in Paris where his neurotic ramblings and insecurities really did it for me. Mike finds this attraction the strangest. I don't know why exactly. Adam Goldberg is funny, smart and sports a great beard. Just like someone else I know.

3. Steve Martin. I've mentioned my love of Steve Martin on this blog before. Still love him. Love him love him love him. He's coming to the area to perform songs from his new bluegrass endeavor. I don't know if I can afford to go for two reasons, one- he's quite expensive and two- I can't afford the medical bills after my brain explodes from being in the same room as he. Mike sort of understands this one but his point is Steve Martin is 64 years old- almost ten years my dad's senior. I don't care. His writing has touched me in a special place, why can't he touch me on my special place?

4. Caleb Followill. The soulful lead singer of Kings of Leon is only nine months my junior, that would make him 27. He is the ultimate son of a preacher man. His father was a Pentecostal minister and Caleb Followill spent his childhood among the fire and brimstone. Now he writes incredible, raw music that really gets me jazzed. You can hear his intense and dangerous sexuality in his song "Sex is on Fire." That song is why he's on this list. I don't think Mike really has an opinion on this fellow. I know my naughty bits have very strong opinions.

5. Simon Pegg. Last but certainly not least we have Simon Pegg. One of my most favorite British actors, this 39 year-old is well known with my people, the geeky Anglophiles. He's incredibly funny, personable, and a redhead. At least he often has read hair- good enough for me- and usually sports a goatee. I would love to just sit in the pub with him, play some trivia and then drunkenly make out until he makes some pop culture joke that promptly gets me to take off my pants then and there. Ooohhh I love a good accent. Mike approves of this. In fact, I think Simon Pegg might even be in his five.

See? My list isn't that off the wall. I don't think anyone would find any of these choices out of character for me. There aren't many similarities between these men. Not all have facial hair but most do. Not all are musicians but some are. There is one similarity- I will never meet any of them. Therefore, there will be no tapping of this. They all remain a fantasy. But then again, that's the point isn't it?