September 11, 2008

My Born Identity

When I initially lost fifty pounds I think it happened too fast for me to really appreciate what I accomplished. I never was one to watch my weight before I decided to lose a quarter of my body mass. One day I stepped on a scale and vowed never to see that number again. 

My first change was all in what I ate. I went into it with blinders on. I just put my head down and focused on cutting out the crap. My favorite snack, back when I was Fats O'Denial, used to be a package of Hostess Cupcakes, a Cherry Coke, and a large snack bag of Doritos. Telling people about that snack makes my stomach lurch. I don't ingest any of those things now. I don't think I've had even half of one of those cupcakes in four years and I don't miss them at all. I still eat cupcakes and cookies and chips. I just eat better versions of them not to mention fruits and veg and other fresh things.

But I have to say, the second change is the one most important to me. I became more physically active than I would have ever imagined. Holy shit! I raced in a triathlon this summer. Twice! If you told the Katherine of two years ago what she would accomplish, she would've scoffed and then pointed out her fatness. But now, I love lifting. I love running. I love pushing my limits. Since my first 5k I've started to feel like myself. With every physical milestone I feel more like myself than I've ever felt. I found an identity that was eluding me.

Flipping the fitness switch has made it possible for me to take off the blinders and look at the bigger picture of my weight loss. My whole body shifted. The time I've taken to not just lose weight but to be fit, has given me the opportunity to notice what is really different in myself. I see my muscles move, I can wear skirts in the summer and be comfortable longer than before, I run three miles without really thinking about it, I think about what I put in my body before or after I workout. All pretty awesome things.

I appreciate the weight loss this time for something bigger than wearing smaller pants. This time it opened the door to my new self, a new Katherine. I know I can do anything I set my mind to. I like knowing that. I love this new person I found in myself. I wonder if she was there all along.


Tina said...

Absolutely! You have always had the ability to go after things you really want. I think one factor often overlooked is the people around you. When you surround yourself with loving, supportive people (Mikey), you can coach yourself into doing things you may not have otherwise. Way to go!

dad said...

You have pulled off one of those rare transformations that is the stuff of great infomercials! I'm very proud of you too!