June 7, 2011

Blub Blub Blub

If I weighed what I should, which really isn't that far off from what I weigh now, and the weight never fluctuated no matter how much I ate or how little I worked out, I would be tremendously happy. Instead I weigh what I do and I'm not tremendously happy. I'm really tired of negating all the hard work I do by one or two nights out. Or at least that is what the culprit appears to be. I don't work out every day but I work out an average of five days a week. I don't eat food out of a box and I don't eat out a lot. So what is my problem?

Yeah yeah yeah. I've been a Weight Watchers subscriber for over five years (I know exactly how long I've been giving them my money I'm just too embarrassed to give you the real number) and haven't been able to get to my goal weight. I was only a few pounds away but I just never got there. I know very few people who've kept the same weight for years and years. People grow and shrink. It's only natural. And I should be grateful that I've kept thirty pounds off from when I started my journey. And I guess I am. What it is, is my resentment at how difficult it is for me. My sister is eternally svelte- yes, she's one of the few people. My brother can't keep weight on to look even normal- he's the other of the people. I, however, can gain six pounds in one week without really trying. I know that for a fact. I've measured it. I got the short end of the stick I guess.


Teresa said...

Its ok honey, I'm with you. I am very happy I don't have to worry about it right now. Parasites suck a lot of weight off. I haven't been eating horrible, but I don't pay attention, and I still have only gained 2 lbs since February. Which means as my belly gets bigger the rest of me gets a little smaller. I'm good with this.

Next spring though? I'm going back to try to train for a half-marathon. Because the last time I trained for a 1/4 marathon I looked my best ever (at your wedding, actually). Well, when I wasn't vomiting.

Love you. You are gorgeous. I feel your pain, though I don't know the solution. I keep hoping I can borrow my husband's perspective of me so I don't feel bad about the way I look any more.

I think maybe all we can do is try (try, I say, I know its hard) to focus on feeling good instead of losing weight. I feel good when I am training and eating lots of veggies. Because I am cooking fun things and being creative and also because I am fit and full of energy.

Seriously, though, you are ridiculously beautiful.

belleshpgrl said...

Teresa, you are too kind.

I like your new attitude. I think I'll try and adopt it. :)