I haven't have much luck with loans for the bookstore lately. It appears I just don't have enough capital. I don't know what my plan of attack should be. Should I take what I've raised, put it in a CD and get a full time job to save up? Or do I continue on the tiring schedule I have now- six day weeks working two full time jobs with a one-way hour commute to each and keep plugging away until I find a bank who will go out on a limb for me? There are so many pros and cons to each scenario. The biggest con of either being I've been applying to full time jobs for six years with no luck- let alone a job that would pay me enough to save anything substantial. That's why I decided to create my own. I was tired of the rat race.
A friend says my frustration about the situation is because it's not happening on my time table. Part of that is true. But that isn't it. It's that I'm drowning in the heavy what ifs. What if someone else opens a store there? What if the only way a bank will finance me is if someone can put their house up for collateral for me? What if I don't find someone who will do that? What if I can't find a full time job? What if I can't find a full time job that pays enough to save? What if I hold off big life decisions, that affect more than me, to chase after something that might not even come to fruition? What if it just doesn't happen for me?
I really didn't think my personal investment would be the issue. I've heard so many different things about how much banks like to see. There's no industry standards. It doesn't help that the economy is literally a problem. Not too long ago my amount wouldn't have been a problem. The Small Business Administration guaranteed loans that didn't need guaranteeing and now they've tightened their requirements. A few months ago, maybe a year, I would've been guaranteed. Oh, the timing.
I'm not the most optimistic right now. I just can't get my head straight and find direction. There's really no one I can turn to with any guidance or answers. Once I can come up with a game plan I will feel better. In the meantime, I'm putting in one loan application with HSBC. They're a Small Business Administration preferred lender and they're willing to work with the Albany Chamber of Commerce, who could also lend me money. It was really nice to meet with them. They're very nice and it was one of the easier lending meetings I've had. Bankers tend not to make for colorful conversationalists. And the meeting made me feel better about being rejected by a lender that I thought would be one to lend me. I'm filling out the application and I'm reminded about how much I dislike filling out these applications.