March 7, 2011

You Didn't Ask, But...

After ten years of being on birth control I'm going to quit. No, not because Mike and I are trying to procreate. Oh my God, is that totes not the case. But because I've been on it for ten years and I want to stop. I want to know what my body's natural state is. My cycle, my skin, my weight, my migraines, my sex drive. I want to know what all of those really are. Yes, there are studies done about how the Pill is safe, that it's almost healthier to be on it than off of it. But do we really know enough about all the different "Pills" that keep popping up on the market? So many different forms cause so many different problems. Like Nuvaring causing heart-stopping blood clots. I don't want to find out in three years that I fucked myself over.

Friends of mine have told me that as soon as they quit the Pill they felt better. One friend said she didn't even realize how the Pill was affecting her until she quit. She has more energy, she lost weight and she feels more like herself. She's seen such a difference she made a convert out of Mike. I've been talking to him about how I want to quit the pill and he has been justifiably hesitant about it. I'm hesitant about it. I've been on this medication for a decade. A third of my life. That creeps me out. What if there are no changes? What if the changes are totally extreme in a bad way? Like I have worse migraines? Have no periods? Gain weight? Can that happen?

To say that the Pill costs us $40 a month and 40 condoms would cost us $20 isn't a factor in this potentially life changing decision would make me a liar. And I'm a bad liar. Oh a so very bad liar. How sad is that this is even part of our decision? A smaller part, but a part nevertheless. Back when I didn't have health insurance and we weren't married I qualified for free birth control with Planned Parenthood. I might be able to qualify since neither jobs provide me with insurance but that system is not in place for people like me. I now have health insurance.

So. In about two months I will pee out all the estrogen and no longer contribute to the feminizing of the fish population. I wonder if not being on the Pill will make me think I'm pregnant after every time I have sex. Who am I kidding? I think that now. At least that will remain a constant in this experiment.

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