August 31, 2010

I Did Not Make a New Friend Today

Pandora, a music site, can stream on my phone so I enjoy listening to that while on the bus. Today I forgot my phone and was subjected to the conversations around me. Usually there is very little talking or there's the occasional one-sided phone conversation. But today was a special day. There was a very chatty fellow on the 22 bus between Albany and Troy (a bus-line already known for sketchy characters that is only reinforced further with every single ride I take) and I was privy to an awesome conversation/monologue today.
They tried to put me in jail twice.
I *** his baby-mama.
This is my first drug charge. All I have is violent crimes.
The cops busted his door down looking for me now he's facing jail time for that shit.
I'm not gonna pop no crying girl.
I didn't know what to do with myself. I was terrified and interested at the same time. I should've been more terrified than I was but he excused himself when he bumped into another rider. Go figure.

August 25, 2010

My Favorite Things: About Ernest Borgnine

5. Borgnine's full legal name makes me want to eat Indian food with champagne- Ermes Effron Borgnino.

4. His work as the doorman of John Silverman's sitcom masterpiece "The Single Guy." Ernest brought me many laughs in my most formative years. And I thank him.

3. The man's tireless support of feminism:
They tried it the wrong way. You can't expect anyone to take you seriously if you burn your undies and tell me I'm a pig. That's why it failed. Too many ugly broads telling me that they don't want to sleep with me. Who wanted you anyway?
I hate hippies and dopeheads. Just hate them. I'm glad we sent the men off to war. They came back with a sense of responsibility and respect. We should have grabbed the women, given them a bath, put a chastity belt on them, and put them in secretary school.
2. Oohh la la. His teeth.
1. Back in 1964, Borgnine married Ethel Merman. The marriage ended after a month because she couldn't stand the fact that he was the bigger star.

The Skinny

I know I said I wouldn't be this sparse again but I have good reasons, I swear! Your head will spin.

I got married and planned the whole thing almost on my own. Almost. I had many consultations with friends, help from family and both from the dude I married. But still, it's exhausting and incredibly time consuming to have an almost total DIY wedding. (And we got pictures back so I'll load some soon. Promise.) Every time I was on the Internet I felt guilty if I wasn't doing one of two things- finishing the wedding and one other research project.

I also did a new triathlon on Lake George that kicked my ass. But it was a lot of fun and I think with proper training I can do it better next year. Mike found us a lovely place to stay on the water and I got to try out my sexy new wet suit. It's a sleeveless onsie that makes me look like a seal. Sexy is an understatement, yeah?

I did my other triathlon, my last of the year. I was within a few minutes of my same time last year and can safely say I did well. This guy decided to cross in front of me with .05 miles left in the entire race and I yelled at him while huffing and puffing my way around the corner.

My good friend Karen asked me to be in her wedding and her bridal shower was this month. Lyndy and I got so fucking lost in New Jersey but we found a White Castle AND two Texas Weiners (a restaurant you perverts.) Then a weekend or so later I went to NYC for her bachelorette. I got to go a night early and she and I went to see an awesome concert. The next night she got in a fist fight with a bouncer. It was great.

Mike and I honeymooned in Napa, CA where we drank, ate, hung with new friends, hiked and ate some more. It was nice- our first vacation together and I'm glad it could be our honeymoon. Though we shouldn't wait another six years to go away together. Needless to say, I didn't tan. At all.

I quit my job only to be fired a week later. Over the phone. While at a wedding rehearsal for my fist-fighting friend. If I hadn't quit a week prior it would have really, really sucked. Then I started a new job which didn't pay me enough so I got ANOTHER job.

I started the OTHER job. I now work six days a week and have colorful bus commutes an hour in each direction. Three days I go to Troy (I like to do the 10 mile bike there as much as possible and Mike picks me up since I work so late) and three days I go to Schenectady in the other direction. That bike ride would be too long so I take the bus for that one. The inter-city buses are fine. Intra-city buses are not...

And I started training for a half-marathon. Woot! It's in Philadelphia the week before Thanksgiving. Wish me luck!!

I'm going to do my best to do better. Look forward to November when I post every day. I'm going to have to flex my muscles in the next six weeks. I have to make it up to you, to my creativity and man- I miss blogging.

August 1, 2010

Hovercraft Are a Bad Idea

Why you ask?

1. Traffic regulation. How the fuck are you going to keep people from hovering off the beaten path? How are people going to know there's a path in the first place? Designated hoverboard zones? Hovering traffic cones? It'll take only one douchebag to entertain himself with taking out hovering cones to create havoc. Would passing someone above or below them be illegal? To mark a hover-road would be ridiculously impossible. A strong wind could take a hovering traffic light and hurl it into a window. Any regulating devices would have to hover with the road. All that junk would block out the sun and create really ugly, messy skylines. Not to mention create wonky tan lines.

2. Accidents. Road accidents are terrible. Can you imagine a collision between two hovercars? Not only would you have to clean up the explosion on surrounding buildings, you would have to clean up errant body bits all over the place. And you'd have to clean up any collateral damage underneath the crash. So much mess. No thank you.

3. Parking. Would there be hovering parking lots? No? Then you'd have to pave parking lots anyway. If the parking lots were hovering then you could have lovely gardens underneath where the parking lot would be, but you'd only be able to garden plants of the nightshade family because the sunlight would be spotty at best. And what if your hovercar had an oil leak? That splatter would be HUGE!

4. Hovering school buses. All it takes is a small group of jack-asses to jump at the same time to create a massive accident. No thank you!

Cars and other items should remain attached to the Earth's gravitational pull. Gravity is good. Gravity is our friend.