I lost my job on Monday. I'm not going to get into the details but it was pretty awful. I wanted to curl up into the fetal position and never come out of it. Thanks to the help of my friends and family I came out of my fear coma to realize that only good can come of this. I was deeply unhappy and I'm now free to move on to better things. I have been given the freedom to explore things I probably wouldn't have explored in the confines of my full-time job. I'm not saying I'm skipping in the streets hollering, "I'm free! Free at last!" (Though I kind of am in my heart.) But I am going for jobs that would provide me with new people, new experiences, new skills, new opportunity. A little part of me is excited. A large part of me is scared.
I was terribly ashamed. I didn't want to tell my father out of fear that he would condemn me and I didn't want to tell my mother out of fear that she would smother me in her worry. I called my father the next day when I was collected enough that I wouldn't cry. His response was one of calmness and support. He's always been calm and supportive but I've never had to tell him I was fired before. And in this economy. I wanted to wait to tell my mom when I found a new job. Sort of a "oh by the way- I lost my job but it's cool because I have this other one." That didn't work since she called my former work extension to find that my voicemail was being sent to another phone. So I had to tell her.
I've been incredibly lucky- my part-time job immediately gave me more hours and put in a good word for me in for a full-time position; I have friends from my old job sending me openings they hear about; my friends who publish All Over Albany threw some more writing assignments my way; my friend Karen brought wine; and my friend Lyndy sang anything I wanted on her karaoke video game for an hour and then slept over so I wouldn't be home alone since Mike was out of town. But most importantly, Mike is letting me cry and be mad and feel frustrated. He is willing to do whatever it takes for me to go for jobs that I wouldn't have before. I couldn't feel more supported and cared for than I do. Thanks to my friends and family I know I'm going to be okay. I have to be. There is no other way to be.