I Will Never Learn

Two weeks ago my friend Emily got wind of David Sedaris coming to Albany for a book signing and a reading of some new work. He is an author I very much enjoy. He is one of only three authors to have made me laugh out loud and the other two made me laugh because they were writing about cats. (What? Cats are funny!) Anyway, many times his writing has made me cry I've laughed so hard so when Emily said he would be right down the road I was all, hell yeah we're going!

Yesterday, Emily picked me up from work and I decided to read her the story that got me hooked on him in the first place since she's not too familiar with his work. We laugh all the way there, prepped for more anecdotes. When we get there we realize we're mid-reading but with the way they set up the location she and I are closer to him than people who were on time! Bomb! He read a new piece about having a kidney stone and while I'm thinking, that sounds like hell, Emily was loudly laughing in agreement. Alone. Either no one else in the audience had kidney stones or Emily is the only one who can laugh at her pain. Judging by the crowd of hipsters and fat dudes with ponytails, I'm going with her sense of humor.

He finished reading to a round of applause and then opened it up to questions. I LOVE QUESTION AND ANSWER! I will SO ask David Sedaris a question that pertains to him and not his also very hilarious sister. I couldn't think of one fast enough so while someone else asked the first question I came up with "Do you find writing satire or biographical material to be easier than the other?" Awesome question, right? I thought so. Well. HE TOTALLY CALLED ON ME NEXT! And then he gave a really interesting answer that went something like this:

In writing satire I took a particularly dark and unattractive personality trait of mine and used that to create a character in a satire. After a while I found that they were all starting to sound the same. Around the same time as I came to that conclusion I started to notice that I would find myself in situations that felt like stories and I chose to write about them. But I wouldn't say one is easier than the other. No.

That's not verbatim so I probably shouldn't put it as a quote but I will anyway. At this point Emily decided she needed to get a book so we went on a chase for an unsigned copy of his book while he answered other, less interesting questions than my own.

Then it was time for the book signing. Emily and I hadn't hung out together in a while so we took that time to do massive catching up because according to a Borders employee David Sedaris will take as long as it takes to sign everyone's books but will NOT take pictures. That's okay- celebrity photos of mine never work out anyway. In our conversing Emily and I decided to ask him out for a drink. What's the worst he can say? No? Well, really he can probably get us arrested for something but we decided to take our chances regardless. When we finally get up to him we compliment his tie and chat about his funny stories. Not only did he personalize each signature, he drew doodles in each of our books. He doodled a two headed rabbit for Emily and a cat for me. Emily loves rabbits (probably even two headed ones) and I love cats! He's psychic. When we ask him out for a drink, though, he mumbled that he never does anything fun and turned away to ask for food. We took that as our cue to leave.

Though it ended oddly, I would say it was one of my better celebrity moments. Maybe I'm improving?