April 29, 2009

Incident Free Since December. Or So I Thought.

Last night Mike and I decided to catch the show at the theatre where I work part time. I've sooo been looking forward to this show- it's written by a playwright I very much enjoy. I wore a dress and used a real purse instead of my bag. I even wore new dangly earrings. Mike and I were excited for a little date night.

We get to the theatre with plenty of time. I even point out a real, valid parking space! I say hi to all my friends and we got to our seats with plenty of time. This never happens! The night is good. We're watching the show laughing and holding hands. I shift in my seat, re: dress, and all of a sudden I am smacked in the face with the smell of urine. I'm thinking to myself that there is no way I'm smelling piss. I shift again to check- afraid it's me (why would it be me?) and still smell it. I wonder if an old theatre patron couldn't help himself and peed on the seat at a previous show and I was sitting in his dry urine crystals. I wouldn't be surprised at all if it were true- most of our patrons are OLD. But I would have heard of the peeing man. Then I get an idea to smell my purse since it was the only new item in my ensemble from earlier in the day. OH MY GOD MY PURSE SMELLED LIKE PISS. More specifically CAT PISS. MY PURSE SMELLED LIKE CAT PISS AND I DIDN'T NOTICE IT FOR AN HOUR. What is the matter with me? More importantly WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH MY CAT?

We're leaving the play and I ask Mike to smell my purse to make sure I'm not losing my mind. He refuses so I accept the fact that I WORE A PURSE SPRAYED WITH CAT PISS. AND I CAN'T STOP YELLING ABOUT IT. Here's the strangest thing about the piss purse- it was hanging from the top of the closet door where it always hangs. For the life of me I cannot figure out when or how the cat got her girlbits on my effing purse. It wasn't right before we left because the purse wasn't wet and nothing in the purse smelled. What the hell? So now I'll wash it, move on and pray it never happens again. I simply hope it was my cat's piss and not some cat at a friend's house. That would just be gross.

3 comments:

Emily said...

I just dribbled coffee out of my mouth reading this due to my laughing. I would of smelled the purse for you.

Carrie said...

I would have smelled it too...


I almost spewed Diet Coke all over my computer while reading this. ID

Tina Winston said...

Few things in this world smell worse than cat urine. However, Ryan's hockey gloves would be strong contenders. We saw this show called Pitchmen, featuring Billy Mays of OxiClean fame. They were backing a product called What Odor? that claims to completely eliminate odors while being nontoxic and safe for the environment. You should check it out. We're going to try it on Ryan's hockey gear, will let you know if it works.