I don't really want to be a librarian. I just picked that degree program because I could be a librarian and still live here. I don't like my job for many reasons but the point being is I need a new one. I can't find a job either in what I want or in anything else that seems interesting or has promise of advancement. I've cast my job search net wide and I'm sick of people telling me I need to look in new places. Believe me, I do. I've interviewed consistently for two years and I can't help but feel like there is something wrong with me. I make it down to the last three more often than not but it makes no difference. I don't get them anyway and most jobs I apply for aren't what I want anyway.
What I want is to be in arts administration. For those of you who don't know what that means, and it seems to me that no one does, arts administrators are the people who run theatres or galleries or concert halls. When I put it bluntly last night, and was scoffed at, I want to run a theatre. I really do. I want to make theatre accessible to people. I want to create an environment with creativity and expressiveness. Maybe I won't ever be an artistic director but I want to get close. That is what I want to do. And that hasn't been clearer to me since I got a part time job in a theatre box office. Every day I work there I am reminded of the importance of the arts in a community even if the only people who can afford to go right now are old crotchety biddies. My eight hour a week part time job as a ticket pusher is incredibly fulfilling. It reminds me that my degree in theatre was never worthless but that it's taught me how important community and culture are to people. I really really needed that reminder.
I've interviewed with arts groups in the region but I guess since I work where I work and don't have that much arts experience since being in college, I'm not what they are looking for. When I call to follow up I'm told I came really close to getting the position. I'd like to tell them where to stick their "really close." I still didn't get the job that I am more than capable of. I stay current with what is going on in theatre. I am always thinking of ways to reach out to groups or plays that would be challenging to people. It's always in my mind. It's a part of me.
The saddest thing about not being in the arts full time is that no one seems to understand that part of me and therefore doesn't really get me. I'm always asked to clarify what the fuck I'm talking about and my degree is a source of entertainment with my friends who have "real" degrees. Well I hope this helps answer it. I talk all the time about jobs that would be cool to have or careers that would be interesting but those are only ideas I have whenever I get desperate about my current employment situation. I just wish the people in my life understood that. Kiss my ass. My degree is useful. I am just having a really hard time using it.
No wonder I feel so alone.