I have a middle ear infection. I haven't had an ear infection since I was ten or something and I'd forgotten what it felt like so I couldn't figure out what was causing the searing pain. Then I picked up my work phone and there was a little spider moving around near the mouthpiece. HOLY CANNOLI! A SPIDER CRAWLED INTO MY EAR AND LAID EGGS ON MY EARDRUM.
The doctor at urgent care quelled my fears when he told me I had a middle ear infection. He gave me some antibiotics and painkillers and sent me home where I promptly ate a bunch of stuff I didn't need to. I can live with that. But I can't live with arachnids in my ear. That was a close call.