I know I said I wouldn't be this sparse again but I have good reasons, I swear! Your head will spin.
June
I got married and planned the whole thing almost on my own. Almost. I had many consultations with friends, help from family and both from the dude I married. But still, it's exhausting and incredibly time consuming to have an almost total DIY wedding. (And we got pictures back so I'll load some soon. Promise.) Every time I was on the Internet I felt guilty if I wasn't doing one of two things- finishing the wedding and one other research project.
I also did a new triathlon on Lake George that kicked my ass. But it was a lot of fun and I think with proper training I can do it better next year. Mike found us a lovely place to stay on the water and I got to try out my sexy new wet suit. It's a sleeveless onsie that makes me look like a seal. Sexy is an understatement, yeah?
July
I did my other triathlon, my last of the year. I was within a few minutes of my same time last year and can safely say I did well. This guy decided to cross in front of me with .05 miles left in the entire race and I yelled at him while huffing and puffing my way around the corner.
My good friend Karen asked me to be in her wedding and her bridal shower was this month. Lyndy and I got so fucking lost in New Jersey but we found a White Castle AND two Texas Weiners (a restaurant you perverts.) Then a weekend or so later I went to NYC for her bachelorette. I got to go a night early and she and I went to see an awesome concert. The next night she got in a fist fight with a bouncer. It was great.
August
Mike and I honeymooned in Napa, CA where we drank, ate, hung with new friends, hiked and ate some more. It was nice- our first vacation together and I'm glad it could be our honeymoon. Though we shouldn't wait another six years to go away together. Needless to say, I didn't tan. At all.
I quit my job only to be fired a week later. Over the phone. While at a wedding rehearsal for my fist-fighting friend. If I hadn't quit a week prior it would have really, really sucked. Then I started a new job which didn't pay me enough so I got ANOTHER job.
September
I started the OTHER job. I now work six days a week and have colorful bus commutes an hour in each direction. Three days I go to Troy (I like to do the 10 mile bike there as much as possible and Mike picks me up since I work so late) and three days I go to Schenectady in the other direction. That bike ride would be too long so I take the bus for that one. The inter-city buses are fine. Intra-city buses are not...
And I started training for a half-marathon. Woot! It's in Philadelphia the week before Thanksgiving. Wish me luck!!
I'm going to do my best to do better. Look forward to November when I post every day. I'm going to have to flex my muscles in the next six weeks. I have to make it up to you, to my creativity and man- I miss blogging.
August 25, 2010
August 1, 2010
Hovercraft Are a Bad Idea
Why you ask?
1. Traffic regulation. How the fuck are you going to keep people from hovering off the beaten path? How are people going to know there's a path in the first place? Designated hoverboard zones? Hovering traffic cones? It'll take only one douchebag to entertain himself with taking out hovering cones to create havoc. Would passing someone above or below them be illegal? To mark a hover-road would be ridiculously impossible. A strong wind could take a hovering traffic light and hurl it into a window. Any regulating devices would have to hover with the road. All that junk would block out the sun and create really ugly, messy skylines. Not to mention create wonky tan lines.
2. Accidents. Road accidents are terrible. Can you imagine a collision between two hovercars? Not only would you have to clean up the explosion on surrounding buildings, you would have to clean up errant body bits all over the place. And you'd have to clean up any collateral damage underneath the crash. So much mess. No thank you.
3. Parking. Would there be hovering parking lots? No? Then you'd have to pave parking lots anyway. If the parking lots were hovering then you could have lovely gardens underneath where the parking lot would be, but you'd only be able to garden plants of the nightshade family because the sunlight would be spotty at best. And what if your hovercar had an oil leak? That splatter would be HUGE!
4. Hovering school buses. All it takes is a small group of jack-asses to jump at the same time to create a massive accident. No thank you!
Cars and other items should remain attached to the Earth's gravitational pull. Gravity is good. Gravity is our friend.
1. Traffic regulation. How the fuck are you going to keep people from hovering off the beaten path? How are people going to know there's a path in the first place? Designated hoverboard zones? Hovering traffic cones? It'll take only one douchebag to entertain himself with taking out hovering cones to create havoc. Would passing someone above or below them be illegal? To mark a hover-road would be ridiculously impossible. A strong wind could take a hovering traffic light and hurl it into a window. Any regulating devices would have to hover with the road. All that junk would block out the sun and create really ugly, messy skylines. Not to mention create wonky tan lines.
2. Accidents. Road accidents are terrible. Can you imagine a collision between two hovercars? Not only would you have to clean up the explosion on surrounding buildings, you would have to clean up errant body bits all over the place. And you'd have to clean up any collateral damage underneath the crash. So much mess. No thank you.
3. Parking. Would there be hovering parking lots? No? Then you'd have to pave parking lots anyway. If the parking lots were hovering then you could have lovely gardens underneath where the parking lot would be, but you'd only be able to garden plants of the nightshade family because the sunlight would be spotty at best. And what if your hovercar had an oil leak? That splatter would be HUGE!
4. Hovering school buses. All it takes is a small group of jack-asses to jump at the same time to create a massive accident. No thank you!
Cars and other items should remain attached to the Earth's gravitational pull. Gravity is good. Gravity is our friend.
July 27, 2010
Zelda's Music Writer Thanks You for the New Job
I've found my recent pop obsession. Ladies and gentlemen please enjoy the phenomenon known as Justin Bieber.
I still maintain he's a girl.
I still maintain he's a girl.
July 8, 2010
Namaste
Yesterday morning I went to a yoga class for the first time in over a year or so. I tried going to yoga classes at the YMCA but those classes were less about mediation and listening to your body and more about WORKING OUT, YEAH! I've taken some challenging yoga classes- hard enough to be my only workout for the day- but those classes also contained a meditative aspect. With what I've been going through lately, I realized I've been missing the spirituality regular yoga practice provided me. And I think the lack of meditation has been a big problem in my life.
Catholicism served a truly wonderful purpose for me when I was growing up. I moved enough that the routine of Mass helped keep me grounded and it was a wonderful respite from Adolescence kicking my ass. But Mass, and nightly prayer, stopped filling a need for me when my parents got divorced. Sometimes I feel silly admitting that but it's true. When my family started falling apart it infuriated me. I know it's not God's fault, free will and all that, but every night- every fucking night- I thanked God for my family, my parents' happy marriage, and that they stay happy. The only person responsible for his or her happiness is that person, not God, and I had no idea that my parents weren't happy after all. I know that now. But it all made the futility of prayer a stark reality for me. It was as if someone slapped me in the face enabling me to think clearly, differently. I realized God is not in charge here.
More than the divorce happened. There was the cliche freshman religion class. There was learning about the different ways people worship. That you can believe in a power other than God. There was yoga. There was the total feeling of abandonment. What was I praying to? What was I praying for? I was praying to meditate, really. That's all prayer is. Meditation and self actualization. No matter how I felt about the involvement of God in my life, or even if He existed at all, I always believed in the power of self above all things. God helps those who help themselves, right? So is He really helping or is he reminding you He really can't?
The past eleven years have been an interesting journey for me. I've felt the most empowered and I feel like I can see things for what they truly are- a human construct. However, I've felt the most lost at the same time. I miss the guided meditation of group prayer and the sense of belonging. There is so much I miss from the literal Mass- the sign of peace, singing with others, the respectful quiet. Every once in a while I think about heading to the church down the street just to see if I feel anything anymore. Want to know why I don't? It's even sillier than being angry. I don't want to feel like I don't belong. That's exactly why I miss church but I don't miss God. He has nothing to do with it anymore.
Catholicism served a truly wonderful purpose for me when I was growing up. I moved enough that the routine of Mass helped keep me grounded and it was a wonderful respite from Adolescence kicking my ass. But Mass, and nightly prayer, stopped filling a need for me when my parents got divorced. Sometimes I feel silly admitting that but it's true. When my family started falling apart it infuriated me. I know it's not God's fault, free will and all that, but every night- every fucking night- I thanked God for my family, my parents' happy marriage, and that they stay happy. The only person responsible for his or her happiness is that person, not God, and I had no idea that my parents weren't happy after all. I know that now. But it all made the futility of prayer a stark reality for me. It was as if someone slapped me in the face enabling me to think clearly, differently. I realized God is not in charge here.
More than the divorce happened. There was the cliche freshman religion class. There was learning about the different ways people worship. That you can believe in a power other than God. There was yoga. There was the total feeling of abandonment. What was I praying to? What was I praying for? I was praying to meditate, really. That's all prayer is. Meditation and self actualization. No matter how I felt about the involvement of God in my life, or even if He existed at all, I always believed in the power of self above all things. God helps those who help themselves, right? So is He really helping or is he reminding you He really can't?
The past eleven years have been an interesting journey for me. I've felt the most empowered and I feel like I can see things for what they truly are- a human construct. However, I've felt the most lost at the same time. I miss the guided meditation of group prayer and the sense of belonging. There is so much I miss from the literal Mass- the sign of peace, singing with others, the respectful quiet. Every once in a while I think about heading to the church down the street just to see if I feel anything anymore. Want to know why I don't? It's even sillier than being angry. I don't want to feel like I don't belong. That's exactly why I miss church but I don't miss God. He has nothing to do with it anymore.
July 1, 2010
No Car? Yes way!
I currently have one car between my husband and me. He takes the car to work every day which has proven to us both that I can do okay without a car. I live in a city with enough public transport resources that I could get anywhere I need to- even to family outside of town. It could take ages to take the bus everywhere but I can do it. I also have friends who are generous with their time and cars (I wouldn't be calling them to take me everywhere) and are more than happy to be the driver when we go to dinner or a movie. I also ride my bike a lot and can walk to a lot of necessary places. I know I'm lucky and I cherish that.
June 29, 2010
The Only Acceptable Flakes Are Frosted
Michael likes to give people second chances. And third chances. And fourth chances. I really don't know what that dude's limit is. Mine? I don't like to give people chances at all. I don't even understand why or how I have friends. I'm kind of a dick. I develop preconceived notions about people and it takes ages, and Mike yelling at me about it, to give those people a fresh start. Sometimes I don't let the notion go or don't let my perceived wrongs be righted. I'd rather fester over it and be bitchy than address it with the offender. I'm trying to get better- three people have called me out on it. I'm also pretty terrible at being okay with some offenders but not others. It usually takes Mike pointedly talking to me about it for me to realize I need to learn to play well with others. Who knew that under this smiling facade I'm just an asshole pessimist about relationships?
I wasn't always like this. My approach was always to think the best of people until they prove otherwise. Over and over again. But I confused that with letting people walk all over me. And walk all over me for years. Now I'm struggling to find the balance of a fair shake and keeping myself intact. It was up until two years after college, when I really started to find myself, that I grew a backbone. It took a series of poisonous relationships to find the kind of people I want to keep in my life. And I've been mostly successful. I have wonderful and fulfilling friends but I still find myself spending time with people who say things that deeply insult me. And I can't find the courage to tell them so.
Somehow my ability to express myself more fully than other people- to share when I'm truly hurt- brands me as "too sensitive." I was too sensitive and I still have buttons that knock me down when pushed but I'm not so sensitive that I haven't developed a sense of humor about myself. The friends who truly understand me make me feel free to express myself whether I'm sad, angry or totally jazzed. (Besides, I'm not all that good at hiding my emotions. I am what I am.) When I'm most emotional and vulnerable the more hurtful friends invalidate my feelings. Why do I put up with it? Because social-ness requires it. I'm sort of forced to "get over" all the things they do that upset me. Oh. That's why I don't tell them when they bother me. I know exactly what they'll say. That I'm in the wrong for feeling the way I do. Those relationships are slowly becoming shallow just as a way to maintain them.
So much of my time has been spent putting up with shit from my family that I wouldn't tolerate from a friend. Stuff that a friend would never put me through. I suppose that's why I don't like giving people too many chances to let me down. New friends or old friends. I get enough of it elsewhere. It's exhausting and totally unfair to myself and the happiness I'm struggling to find and keep to start giving the Flake another change to flake on me. Or the Bully to invalidate me again. Or the Rich to make me feel poor. I don't need it in my life. But it's there. And sometimes I feel like I'm losing myself in the struggle to accept it and deal with it.
I wasn't always like this. My approach was always to think the best of people until they prove otherwise. Over and over again. But I confused that with letting people walk all over me. And walk all over me for years. Now I'm struggling to find the balance of a fair shake and keeping myself intact. It was up until two years after college, when I really started to find myself, that I grew a backbone. It took a series of poisonous relationships to find the kind of people I want to keep in my life. And I've been mostly successful. I have wonderful and fulfilling friends but I still find myself spending time with people who say things that deeply insult me. And I can't find the courage to tell them so.
Somehow my ability to express myself more fully than other people- to share when I'm truly hurt- brands me as "too sensitive." I was too sensitive and I still have buttons that knock me down when pushed but I'm not so sensitive that I haven't developed a sense of humor about myself. The friends who truly understand me make me feel free to express myself whether I'm sad, angry or totally jazzed. (Besides, I'm not all that good at hiding my emotions. I am what I am.) When I'm most emotional and vulnerable the more hurtful friends invalidate my feelings. Why do I put up with it? Because social-ness requires it. I'm sort of forced to "get over" all the things they do that upset me. Oh. That's why I don't tell them when they bother me. I know exactly what they'll say. That I'm in the wrong for feeling the way I do. Those relationships are slowly becoming shallow just as a way to maintain them.
So much of my time has been spent putting up with shit from my family that I wouldn't tolerate from a friend. Stuff that a friend would never put me through. I suppose that's why I don't like giving people too many chances to let me down. New friends or old friends. I get enough of it elsewhere. It's exhausting and totally unfair to myself and the happiness I'm struggling to find and keep to start giving the Flake another change to flake on me. Or the Bully to invalidate me again. Or the Rich to make me feel poor. I don't need it in my life. But it's there. And sometimes I feel like I'm losing myself in the struggle to accept it and deal with it.
June 15, 2010
Breaking Up is Hard to Do
Mike and I are thinking of leaving our national bank for a local credit union. We have many reasons for this. One of which being I am looking into some financing and a credit union offers much better rates on all kinds of services. Compared to banks, interest rates are lower when you want them to be low and higher when you want them to be high. And he and I are intrigued by the national movement of leaving the "too big to fail" banks that are in fact, failing.
I decided to start shopping around today. Some friends of mine were members of a local credit union until they moved so I'm going to pick their brains. In the meantime I called SEFCU of Albany to ask them if I could check out their online banking interface. If there is anything I love about Bank of America it's the amazing online banking tools (there surely isn't much else.) All the others I've seen pale in comparison. The very helpful and nice SEFCU service rep directed me to a demo and I was able to poke around. Being a bank-life-long customer of Bank of America I'm having a hard time dissecting my feelings about the interface. I can't tell if I'm just so pampered by Bank of America or if the site isn't what I like to see. Then I start to wonder if the online tools are so important that I risk smart money moves in the future. Should this be so scary?
This is all in the beginning phase and I'm sure we could always go back to Bank of America if SEFCU doesn't work out. But who wants to deal with constantly switching bank info? I don't have too many automatic payments, so that's no biggie. And it really could be a smart move for us. I stuck with my bank out of what I thought was convenience but really, it's not all that convenient. And besides, the credit union costs two dollars less a transaction from non-union ATMS. And that difference really adds up. As would many little differences. Maybe I just solved my conundrum...
I decided to start shopping around today. Some friends of mine were members of a local credit union until they moved so I'm going to pick their brains. In the meantime I called SEFCU of Albany to ask them if I could check out their online banking interface. If there is anything I love about Bank of America it's the amazing online banking tools (there surely isn't much else.) All the others I've seen pale in comparison. The very helpful and nice SEFCU service rep directed me to a demo and I was able to poke around. Being a bank-life-long customer of Bank of America I'm having a hard time dissecting my feelings about the interface. I can't tell if I'm just so pampered by Bank of America or if the site isn't what I like to see. Then I start to wonder if the online tools are so important that I risk smart money moves in the future. Should this be so scary?
This is all in the beginning phase and I'm sure we could always go back to Bank of America if SEFCU doesn't work out. But who wants to deal with constantly switching bank info? I don't have too many automatic payments, so that's no biggie. And it really could be a smart move for us. I stuck with my bank out of what I thought was convenience but really, it's not all that convenient. And besides, the credit union costs two dollars less a transaction from non-union ATMS. And that difference really adds up. As would many little differences. Maybe I just solved my conundrum...
June 11, 2010
Now I Can Have a Breather
My mother is a nutjob. Yeah yeah yeah, everyone's mom is a little crazy. And mine does not take the cake but she most certainly takes the cookie. I have contemplated cutting her out simply because I don't want to mother my mother. I want my mother to mother me. I can't call her for anything because she takes a quick how do you boil an egg phone call into whatever current boyfriend is or isn't doing to make him her knight in shining armor. It is exhausting. What the hell did I do in the last round of life to get such a wackadoo for a mom? I dunno but I'm trying to do better for next time. Because this blows. I can't do it again in the next life. And the kicker is the only person who understands my frustration is Mike. My siblings just think I'm a jerk. They think Mom and I just know how to push each other's buttons but the reality of the situation is my mother shares things with me that as my mother, she shouldn't- and I won't share them on this blog, and she doesn't share it with either one of them. Their ignorance is their bliss and my eternal frustration.
Since Mike and I did so much, all, of the wedding ourselves short of cooking the food we needed help from friends and family. Some people were a pleasure to work with. My mother made me want to pull my hair out and cry. And it was because she just didn't listen to me. She would hear me but not pay attention to the feelings I was sharing with her. And she never really has. Mike thought this post crosses my line of things I could never say to someone but write about. I don't. I've told her about this blog. I've showed it to her. She could even find it on my Facebook page because somehow Facebook friended us without me knowing. But the reality of the situation is if this has nothing to do with her current boyfriend, how much I love her and need to be her friend or a video of me singing from high school she's not interested. I have no outlet other than this blog and no way of bettering my relationship with her.
I rant and rave and laugh and scream about how unavailable and emotionally immature and irrational my mother is. But my pseudo life coach and holistic nutritionist gave me a pack of affirmation cards and one card I happened to select after a coaching session said, "I forgive my parents for their childhoods and they are in my life to teach me exactly what I need to learn." It really freaked me out. My mom is the way she is because that is exactly how she was raised. And though I want to blame her for it, I ultimately can't. In the mean time, thanks to Mom, I've learned how to have an open and honest communication with everyone in my life. I've learned how to have a functioning romantic relationship. I've learned how to really listen to people. And I wouldn't have learned any of it if I wasn't forced to work my way through this relationship. She taught be by example. In the totally opposite way.
Since Mike and I did so much, all, of the wedding ourselves short of cooking the food we needed help from friends and family. Some people were a pleasure to work with. My mother made me want to pull my hair out and cry. And it was because she just didn't listen to me. She would hear me but not pay attention to the feelings I was sharing with her. And she never really has. Mike thought this post crosses my line of things I could never say to someone but write about. I don't. I've told her about this blog. I've showed it to her. She could even find it on my Facebook page because somehow Facebook friended us without me knowing. But the reality of the situation is if this has nothing to do with her current boyfriend, how much I love her and need to be her friend or a video of me singing from high school she's not interested. I have no outlet other than this blog and no way of bettering my relationship with her.
I rant and rave and laugh and scream about how unavailable and emotionally immature and irrational my mother is. But my pseudo life coach and holistic nutritionist gave me a pack of affirmation cards and one card I happened to select after a coaching session said, "I forgive my parents for their childhoods and they are in my life to teach me exactly what I need to learn." It really freaked me out. My mom is the way she is because that is exactly how she was raised. And though I want to blame her for it, I ultimately can't. In the mean time, thanks to Mom, I've learned how to have an open and honest communication with everyone in my life. I've learned how to have a functioning romantic relationship. I've learned how to really listen to people. And I wouldn't have learned any of it if I wasn't forced to work my way through this relationship. She taught be by example. In the totally opposite way.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)