January 9, 2009


When I was a teenager I would dream of making out with Zach Morris. Now that I'm 27, I dream of real estate and gardens.

I wasn't allowed to watch music television when I was twelve. There was a three hour block between me coming home and anyone else. So I watched nothing but music television. Except when I was sneak playing the "family game system" which was stored in my brother's room and had games that were only given to my brother. I meticulously put everything back so he never noticed.

One of my roommates leaves one dollar bills around the apartment and I steal them. (Hint- it's not Fluffy.)

I was convinced I was adopted for years. Evidence: I was the only one with blonde hair at the time, the same midwife delivered all three of us in a military hospital, and my baby brother was a douche.

When I was ten I was peer pressured into flashing a passing car. I was deeply ashamed for years until I realized that when you're driving a motor vehicle at 40 mph, chances are you aren't looking into garages hoping to see a ten year old flash you her "boobies."

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